Poems Not For The Masses- The Dark Poetry calls you.
Comments by wilted
"The first word that comes to mind is "jaunty." It reminds me a bit of Edward Gorey, without the death. Short and sweet, yet full of delightful imagery. I can see you and the garden gnome travelling all over the world. Nice write." Posted on "Hey , Mr. Suburbia ..." by kinkifrog
"Sounds like a dream. A moment of purity, epitomizing life, while surrounded by death and decay. One last bit of heat before snow descends upon the world. The "future is thick in the air," yes, and forever floats in your thoughts, but the "deciduous fate" leads me to think it's not permanent. But what does permanence matter when you have memories of such interactions? Ah, well. It is beautiful, no matter the fate. Thanks for the thought provoking write." Posted on "In Progress" by Evangeline
"This sent shivers down my spine. The way the last line references the first line completes the poem beautifully - highlights the pointlessness of the incident, and raises the question, is nothing really an escape? You walked through all of the questions the mind can't wrap its head around. In times like the one you write about, those thoughts are a mess, but you clean them up and make them into something beautiful, something true, something anyone who has lost someone to their own hand can relate to. Really touching write." Posted on "Anniversary" by Beautiful Incidental
"Abate... one of those words that gets stuck in my head for months at a time. The enjambment in this is wonderful. Gives the poem a definite rhythm, which is great. Overall, though, it seems a bit rushed, as if you were writing it in the middle of an anguished time. The first stanza is marvelous, with great imagery and word choice. The rest seems to peter out, content wise, as you let your hatred and anger control you. Indeed, it is as if you have lost control over that which is tameless. However, the rhythm is just so wonderful, I couldn't possibly make any suggestions for improvement. No, I think I like it as it is - a joining of form and content. Nice work." Posted on "Abate" by Virgils Vigil
"There's flow in this all right. I can see your point, though. The third stanza is different than the others, makes me stumble a bit when reading. However, since it's about those "insidiously small" insects, I do believe it works. It make sense that it would be smaller, shorter, quicker to get through. And ooh, the fourth stanza, "At dusk dusts doom shall scatter," quite the tongue twister. And such a wonderful sound throughout. Nice work." Posted on "Reaping Of Your Innocence" by Virgils Vigil
"I believe I've commented on these before, when they were each their own work, but I would feel remiss if I didn't comment again. You are the master of the four line poem. I want these written all over my walls, to bask in their glory from day to day. To read them, over and over again as I drift off to sleep. To wake each morning, seeing your words, which are the sweet reminders of the bitter moments of our lives." Posted on "the short & bittersweet collection " by RhymeBound
"Wow. Beautiful. Really. I'll have to bring this with my on my next trip up Greylock and read it at the summit. Nice work." Posted on "Mount Greylock" by TyrantAvDetForbannet
"You're making me nervous with all of these posts about killers. So realistic. You have a way with capturing the darker side of the world. That second stanza is amazing. "Slithering, snakelike..." I have a soft spot for well placed alliteration. And internal rhyme! Yes! "Drifting, shifting, like some/ Black stink of destruction and death." The final line seems to be a bit anticlimactic, but I rather like that. Leaves the reader no choice but to read the whole thing over again to get what was really going on. To ponder over who (or perhaps more appropriately, what) this killer really is. Nice work. Welcome to DP, good sir." Posted on "Black Death" by colmint
"Wow. I clung to your words. A very fascinating trip into the escapades of a killer. You had me at "Deep shadows, a myriad/ of places to lurk." Wonderful opening. The last line of the second stanza "just that she be alone, is all I crave," is a bit awkward and skews the flow. Perhaps play around with wording in that one: "All that I crave is that she be alone." Or even just leave it at "Just that she be alone," since it's kind of a given that the narrator craves it. Up to you. With a little revision, this could be marvelous. Nice work." Posted on "Deadly Hobby" by colmint
"Great imagery and strong emotion - painful piece for the reader as well as the writer, I'm sure. My suggestion is to revise and fix those few typos to make sure nothing detracts from the feel of the poem. Otherwise, nice work." Posted on "Hand in My Hand" by Dragonfly
"Totally relatable. Thought it is short, from beginning to end I feel conflicting emotions. I don't even know what to say about this. It's perfect. Let your pen keep writing for you. This is lovely. Thanks." Posted on "addictlove." by Twilight
"The repetition of the first and last lines, yet slightly altered in such a way creates a nice feeling of completeness -- like bookends. Every line in between is perfection. The flow, the rhythm, the diction, it's all very well put together. The imagery of the strawberry creates a sweet and sexy feel. This is like the sourpatch kids of poetry. Very nice write." Posted on "Strawberry" by Khantradiction
"Dark and eerie with quite haunting imagery. I love how this is not only set sometime in the past, the feel from your words is one that belongs to a time other than our own. It makes it that much more interesting, more ethereal, more effective. Nice write." Posted on "ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS" by DeaD_Grl666
"I love how the exact meaning is mysterious. With my wild imagination, I'm considering so many things it could be. It's wonderful. I love anything that makes me think. The poem overall is very simple, but very striking. The layout is eye catching, the repetition is fitting, and the words flow very well. Nice write." Posted on "Hold On" by Gray Vision
"What a refreshing read. It's so wonderful when you work so hard to look back and realize what you've achieved, to find it's actually something. And now you are happy where you are. Wonderful. Good feelings emanated from this piece, put a smile on my face. Nice write." Posted on "Dreamwork" by Kittykat
"This is well done. From the idea of the mirror to the repetition of all. To include "all" so much, it gives the impression that everything, all of it is gone. And the idea of the mirror gives a sense of reflection, as well as a seeking of answers from within. Yet, sometimes even the mirror doesn't have the answers. Nice write." Posted on "Rock Bottom" by Gray Vision
"This is quite impressive for 15 or 16. Even at my age, I still can't express my thoughts on this subject adequately. "Religion or superstition?/ They are so much the same." How true it is. Not only is there truth to this write, but it also retains a great flow, when it is so easy to get angered and lose the poetry. Nice write." Posted on "Divided We Stand" by cloudydaze
"At least when you're on a hook, you're led forward and you never get the chance to go backwards. It's forcing you to have courage, in a way. Just keep hoping you won't be big enough to keep." Posted on "Moving on" by Shadows_onthe_RoAd
"This touched me as I feel I am the other side of this circumstance at the moment. It's nice to see things from a different perspective. The reiteration of "If you could see what I see" is good. Especially considering I have heard these words exactly. Nice write." Posted on "See What I See" by Black_Cherry_Doll_
"I held my breath the entire time I read this. Your words are captivating. The beginning drew me in, for often have I ignored sleep for the sake of pondering our beginnings, or the purpose of our existence, or other such things. Then your words continue and it's almost like a blurring together of everything familiar to us all, but they've become so contorted that we can no longer recognize them. "still the echoes wait to be catalogued" is quite an intriguing end. Nice write." Posted on "Shuddering Existance" by steuss
"Lovely. She not only wrote about beauty that affects us all, she is beauty that affected us all. This makes me miss her, but in a sweetly reminiscent way. Perhaps it's because I know this made her happy that I am reminded of her laugh when I read this. That's a nice thought, her laugh is contagious. Nicely done. Thanks for the happy memories." Posted on "Love Hate(Hate's Poem)" by Ravenblade
"Such a beautiful piece. Your imagery is absolutely perfect. "My grace is tied up in you./ And as you go I unwind," Sad to think about, but strangely beautiful, like the whole piece. Thanks for reminding me yet again what poetry can be." Posted on "Changing Lanes With the Radio Stations" by Alanarchy
"This is a very enjoyable read. From the diction, to the substance, I was entertained the whole way through. It's fun to try to figure out what it all means, especially since I know what it means to me, and I can only guess what it means to you. My favorite part, aside from the line "I'm pretty sure I am in a coma" which is amazing in its simplicity, is the thought about the weed growing to the clouds so you can escape. I can't wait to find an escape of my own. Nice write." Posted on "Bow-tied Coma" by TropicalSnowstorm
"I am so glad I stumbled across this. I have been reading nothing but Bukowski the past couple of months, so this is really perfect for me right now. Sounds just like him. "if I have any advice about writing/ poetry, it's-/ don't." I feel like what you've written is a stipulation to his words. Don't write poetry, but if you do... keep trying. Very well done. Nice write." Posted on "Dear Bukowski." by wonderland hysteria
""It's no fun when it's you, now run!" What a great ending. It's interesting to see the perspective of the killer. That point of view is often so ignored. Yet, you make it relatable with the last line, making the reader think "wait, no, it wouldn't be fun..." Nice write. " Posted on "For the pig I dig!" by just breath
"Why was "her" "hair" bright red? Maybe I've been out of "the scene" for too long... In any case, this really could be a poem about a girl. Almost thought it was until you shared her with friends. I like your subtlety, it adds a hint of mystery and trickiness. And you took "her" to Thanksgiving dinner... tisk, tisk. Put a smile on my face. Nice write." Posted on "Green Eyes" by uptillsunrise
"You are absolutely amazing at these types of poems. Just funny enough without being ridiculous, very true, fun, and enjoyable. And you never miss a beat in your flow. Nice write." Posted on "I Call Him Dog" by Malcholm Dark
"Very simple, but still a captivating story. You paint a really vivid picture. By no means is it beautiful, but you capture well the grunge and grime of the area. Your flow is flawless, certainly a very smooth read. Nice write." Posted on "Makin it home" by uptillsunrise
