It's not your fault (rape)

"It's YOUR fault" he said
Cleaning off his tool
As I grasp for words,
and find none

As if the shape of my eyes
or curve of my hips -
As if soft skin
or a fleeting glance
can explain the
madness in your molten mind

"It's your fault"

The words burn at me
Tear me apart
It is a lie

a

LIE!

Please explain to me
how the fit of my dress
made you hurt me?
Tell me how fllowers or
fishnets cause bruises -
Weave a story about how
velvet and lace
are interchangable
with "cuts" or "stitches"

"It's your fault"

How is kicking
and screaming:
"NO!"
now a "yes"
I never gave you
p.e.r.m.i.s.s.i.o.n.
to take away my tricycle

"It's your fault"
How does running out of energy -
How does the vile beer on your breath
Make it better?
Is it my fault
You bought your own scapegoat?

"It isn't my fault!!"
Why is laying back and accepting
I can't win
Your way to validate it?
How can you enjoy
watching as the
>::sparkle::<
in my eyes
F A d . e . s . away?
When they look cold, dead
Is that how you know you've won?

..."it isn't my fault"

********

Years later, she looks at me
"Where were you just now?"

I look up at her,
Tears in my eyes

"It IS my fault."

• On Sunday, October 1, 2006, Bast (833) wrote:
  
  Yeah. I know what you mean. And what's the lamest part is that every time I strike out at him, it's someone else in real life, someone who loves me. It's hell.
  
  
• A former member wrote: This is a wonderful poem. Your pain, the words, it is all so real. Why do we always feel that it is our fault? ... I can't really articulate a proper comment this touched me so. *~`burned`~*
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Jenni (54) wrote:
  
  i felt exactally the same way for years after it happened to me, and it took me a long time to realize it Wasn't my fault, just like it's not yours sweetie. if you ever want to talk, i'm here for you.
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Carnapharnelia (40) wrote:
  
  I just wish I could jump in and make it all better. This tore at the deepest of me.
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Dissolving Poet (784) wrote:
  
  AWWWWWWW fuck no, *Hugs* this just tore me apart I wanted to jump in there and beat the shit out of the bastard, . This was...God I wanted to kick some fucking ass and give you the biggest hug in the whole world ~Gothic
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Bluegirl (221) wrote:
  
  Thanks Gothic Symphony. Hugs are always helpful. *hug*
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Alanarchy (1487) wrote:
  
  Damn, damn, damn, damn, damnit. I know I don't know you, but tell me who it is-just tell me. Karma's a bitch, but I work faster!
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Bluegirl (221) wrote:
  
  Thanks. :) It helps to know there are people on my side.
  
  
• A former member wrote: holy shit love...for soooo many months after things tripped me up and left me with memories of a time I was almost raped (actually, there's been two times), I blamed myself. But there's no use blaming yourself...it's not your fault. ~*Beth*~
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, Jay Jii (300) wrote:
  
  "I never gave you p.e.r.m.i.s.s.i.o.n. to take away my tricycle" - Damn. This is powerful. Poignant write. Well done.
  
  
• On Friday, September 22, 2006, dying angel (1076) wrote:
  
  this really affects me...for personal reasons. i just want you to know that i totally understand every word of this. and no it's not your fault.