the beginning of living

ive been down this road of obstruction

i had the desire to be a reble and live the life of a rockstar

its my life

a girl in a tux

a boy wearing eyeliner

contradictions to what this society maims as normal or the "look"

the lifestyle...

sex drugs an rock an roll

ive had it

i do it

ive done it

.....

and its ruined me

its obstructed my view and steared me into an ocean

an ocean where only the fish can live

with tides of truth that almost killed me

clean.....

i love it but hate it

the feeling of believing but loosing the only thing that made me feel ok for 2 months

my feelings have gone crazy

finding something worth waiting for

someone you cant wait another second to see

a person who can turn your stomach 360 degrees and youll still want more

an emotion that you cant push out of your head

..... not that you want to

a psychadelic image of being happy

is it true

my life happy...

maybe complete

how can one person turn you into a noodle

and reside in their domain every night for 2 weeks

learning the intricat parts of your body

exploring your pleasure

your buttons and weak spots that make you squirm and cock your head back

your screams and the sounds you make

i love that feeling

of exploring your personality... your body

seeing how rough i can actually get

before you scream for me to stop

tell me that it hurts be gentle