Suicide: a lesson in economics

Let's assume for the sake of this discussion that you have resigned to the fact that you are a worthless piece of dog shit with no salvation in sight. Although you will no longer be a direct cost to your family's monthly budget, you will become a short term capitalized cost in the form of final expenses. With the average funeral running about $7000 for the no frills pine box and plastic gardenias, your parents will likely have to take out a second mortgage to put your sorry selfish ass in the ground. And forget about the cost of healing the emotional scars left behind in the form of six months of weekly therapy for your mom and younger siblings at a cost of $75 a pop, for which mental health coverage on your dad's health plan will only cover 50%. And just when the condolence cards stop filling the mailbox, the bill from the friendly community hospital arrives for that last ambulance joyride to the ER where they declared you dead on arrival at a cost of $785.

So if you're going to go through with it, be mature about it and don't leave a suicide note. Instead, make it look like an accident, because unbeknownst to you, your old man probably took out a life insurance policy on you at some point in your sorry life; except that the policy usually has a suicide exclusion, but pays double for accidental death. That way, if nobody loved you in life, they will at least remember you fondly in death.

Better yet, before you take that leap, picture yourself at your own funeral. Try to imagine who attended and what they said about you. What do you want them to say about you? How will you be remembered? How do you want to be remembered? If you can imagine what these people say about you at your own funeral, then you have probably come up with the principles in your life that you think are very important. These principles are how people will remember you. Were you a loving, caring friend? Were you strong when people needed your strength? Were people able to depend on you?

If you're happy with the turnout, then take a step back from the ledge. Because it is up to you to take the next step and assure that the acts you perform in your lifetime follow the paths that will lead to achieving the principles that you find so important. If you're not real pleased with the turnout, there is salvation. Start by living your life as if it's already over and you're eavesdropping on the chatter at the wake. It's never too late to change your attitude or your latitude. Choose life and start fixing the world, one small piece at a time.