Forgive Me

*I cried.
Or at least in the inside.
Hoping you would understand.
My burden; my pain.
I'm being dragged down by my
conscious. Speaking to me
in "no's" and "It can't be goodbye."

*I hope you don't doubt my
undying love. But I'm dying.
Emotionally tarring myself
into microscopic pieces.

*I don't know where I start
and you began.

I can't do it.
Not anymore. I can't be
the perfect lie topped with
silent cries. Maybe, my
words are dying. Maybe,
right now I'm slashing
my heart to shreds.

*But, I feel.
Something once again.
The slight guilt. The empty
cradle knowing I'll truly
be alone. It's worth
it with each shuddering
breath. I know I'm worth it.

*Even if I do feel as though
i'm a butcher. Massacuring
something that once was so pure.

Yet, somehow you stopped
listening to the pain.
And, I stopped listening
to the frantic dying
beat of everything I am.

Freedom;
Right now it feels like
a sin. A damnation.

I don't know if I'll heal.
Or if you really are the
one. I need the courage
to find out. To find
the missing me.

*I'm not the same woman
you met. Nor the same
girl who took the bruises
with empty smiles.

I'm becoming myself.
Finding the pattern
of my skin. The
yearning in my heart.

*I don't blame you.
I blame myself.
For letting myself become
so lost in your eye's.
I was blinded by love.
Puppetted by it's tune.

I love you still.
Like fresh paint and sunshine.
I speckle my walls with
your goofy smile every
beginning-open-eye.

I'm still joyed.
still in love with the
woe-is-me man.

Who spoke of the world
ending. And, his hate for
life.

* But who are we now?
Just emotionless strangers.
Holding our mouths together.
Suffocating for nothing.

You were my dreams.
That are now clouded.
Never forgotten.
* I'm sorry.

I need to be brave
enough to breath.

I hope one day.
You'll forgive me.

• A former member wrote: wow. just wow. so much in this that inspires me. i feel it. i feel you. absolutely amazing. thank you for this.