Recovery by Bluegirl
Most days it isn't there. Unproblematic- as you glide stealthily,
joyously though life.
Most days it won't call to you. It won't beg you on hind legs, tail
excitedly wagging - as if you were its keeper.
It won't tell you anymore that it's your identity. No, most days will
be quite like days were MEANT to be, if only you were the teacher, or the
priest, or the parent who you'd confided in.
In fact, most days will slip by as skillfully and quickly as a snake.
You may even occasionally look backwards briefly; to ask yourself what
it was that drew you to it. You'll probably have forgotten all about that
though. It won't be important to you any longer. You'll be too busy constructing
- brick by tedious, heavy brick - the shell and nougat of your new healthier
life.
Most days.
But I won't lie to you. (You've been though enough without more lies.)
There WILL be some days which are more - trying than others. There will
be days, in the middle of a project, where the industrial stapler calls
to you. Perhaps the knife will. You may be in the gym - on the scale
for the 8th time in 6 minutes. When you stop - in that moment, you'll
see yourself through new eyes.
You'll see pain and hate. You'll see anger. And perhaps, (If you look
deep enough) madness.
This is the pivotal point. Where will you go? You've claimed your whole
life that you've been searching for joy, pleasure, happiness. Your voice
cannot be heard over your actions. Will you traipse off now, head held
happily, slowly, but at last finding your way to the happy simple paradise
you've always wanted? Or will you walk that road perilously created..
To be consumed with flames? It is in that moment where you will learn
where your heart truly lies. If you choose correctly, you will be free
at last.
On Tuesday, July 8, 2008, snakeskingrin
(77) wrote:
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