how to give a blow job.

*this is a repost.




somehow i found myself
consorting with a
curled medusa

found myself
lying in bed
with no morals
or pride

or strength


just a lonely mermaid
sunbathing on two
pale kneecaps,
as something finds
it's way into
my mouth-


(and it's almost as though
i am giving head
to a disiple of christ
or maybe a gladiator
without a golden shield.)



loneliness is supposed
to fade.
emptiness is supposed
to be replaced.


instead,

his dick is covered
in my spit

and my hair is
sweeping his legs
like a drowned ship
but my mouth has
ceased to feel anything

i've never felt more
dirty than i do now,


but the reciever of
this "pleasure"
cannot know this.


his body bobs up
and down,
like a struggling stone
dancing to a
nonexistent beat


and i'm trying to
pretend that i

enjoy this feeling
that there's no
place i'd rather be
than on top of him,


feeling his hardness
against my lips
like a warm pipe

while my hand is

wrapped around his
cock, a thick cigarette.



i hate this taste
yet they tell me
i am supposed to love it.
i feel cheap yet
i am supposed to
feel fulfilled.




he doesn't love me


and he will never
love me

but at this moment,
his love is washing
into my mouth,
a sticky river of iron


and i choke it out
like a purging girl
rejecting food

(my body refuses
to digest this sickening
taste,


this miserably odor,
this symbol of empty doors
and cold oceans).


he looks cheerful now
but i feel so used
as i notice how
he kisses everywhere


except my lips

and he tells me
that i have done

a good job.
i'd exchange that
souless praise
just to get my dignity back



but it's lost down the
cracks of his wooden
bedroom floor,
the semen and saliva
and beauty.



i am jezebel
i am eve
i am everyone
but myself



and i'll never get
those 25 minutes back

More comments:

• On Friday, March 5, 2010, tallybug (8) wrote:
  
  the first time i read this i had to read it again and opens a girls eyes to the reality lying before her
  
  
• On Monday, November 9, 2009, Winter Born (203) wrote:
  
  It really does not matter how many times I read this piece, I always get to the end with a feeling of awe. You talent is undeniable.
  
  
• On Friday, April 24, 2009, carlosjackal (1799) wrote:
  
  *BANG!* You're in my Top 20 ;)
  
  
• On Wednesday, March 4, 2009, Drea (821) wrote:
  
  I've always loved this poem, Bethany. The sorrow and the needed to feel...loved. This has always been one of my favs.
  
  
• On Tuesday, March 3, 2009, ColdScaredAlone (100) wrote:
  
  oh wow. this is one of the first poems i've read on here in years and it really grabbed me. delightfully articulated.
  
  
• A former member wrote: so sad and reflects a feeling of true emptiness... ='(
  
  
• A former member wrote: wow. i know exactally how that feels...this is a very good poem.
  
  
• On Sunday, September 21, 2008, carlosjackal (1799) wrote:
  
  Still a classic :)
  
  
• On Tuesday, August 26, 2008, MoonishBunny (720) wrote:
  
  *ashamed look*
  
  
• On Thursday, June 5, 2008, warmaprylrain (188) wrote:
  
  sadly enough, an all too familiar feeling in this for me, the act its self I live for, lol.. but when its with someone that shows you mean nothing more to him than THAT moment, ..empty and used and hating yourself for giving yet another pieace of yourself away to someone who will never even care.... I understood every line...well done
  
  
• On Sunday, June 1, 2008, Sparrow (163) wrote:
  
  Ahh...
  
  
• On Sunday, June 1, 2008, Mars (717) wrote:
  
  this was cold and i felt your pain. very good write. -mars
  
  
• On Friday, April 18, 2008, colorapathy (59) wrote:
  
  I really like this... its well written and saddly something i can relate to. The last part is especially good.. thank you
  
  
• On Sunday, March 2, 2008, wilted (358) wrote:
  
  I have to admit, this was incredibly hard to read with the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I went along. This was simply amazing and so true.
  
  
• On Sunday, March 2, 2008, wilted (358) wrote:
  
  Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I read this before. I don't think I understood it as well then, but I sure do now. I still think it's a wonderful write, either way.
  
  
• A former member wrote: "loneliness is supposed to fade. emptiness is supposed to be replaced." this gets right to the heart of it.
  
  
• A former member wrote: Very well written the visualazation was so vivid and the raw emotion of this piece just jumps out at you
  
  
• On Wednesday, January 16, 2008, Winter Born (203) wrote:
  
  Thank you for reposting this one darlin, I love the imagery and feeling this poem projects. Love ya doll!