5-13-08

  here I am again in the midst of
words wanting to say something in
the mid - sentence as to why the sun
never cries for me anymore
and the fact of the matter at hand
never really told you the truth
as to how hurt I really was feeling tonight
especially when I prayed so hard that
I wished I could die.

  not knowing if love will ever find me again
I said something like a cuss word swearing
that last breath to death and even though I
could never deny that I still wished
on Angel's hands hugging me tight
I still fought for every second to hold on to
something true once again.

  and now these daggers just seem
to get deeper than I know they should
and even though the same old dreams
just seem to fade away from me
all because of the happiness that I know
is nothing but yet another curse to me tonight;
and so I tried so damn hard to fix the
holes that just continued to bleed
themselves away for yet another day.

  but these days seem to loose consciousness
for me wishing anything past those crossed
off windows of hope shaking fists at me again
and yet those old rusted out pillow cases
are still filled with nothing but tears crying
me asleep tonight; as I tried to remember
when the last time that I was ever happy got
caught laughing again by a former thought getting
blind beyond all of the weight of a hurt
never letting me know that maybe
one day I could find a love that I've always wanted.

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