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"fourty-two ashes" by Six-Out

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4am [beachhouse] blanketed under over-indulgence
and the waves mute our .screams

back: before our dreams had begun to _crack
singing backup to the night. with a bottle of wine
just a glance at our ocean- a parade of stars. dancing in harmony
wind on your face. and your toes buried in sand
we could almost [taste] .forever.

in the water- as we lost track of tomorrow.
I could see a burning passion/ in your eyes. this.is.freedom
_a toast to 'nights to remember'

on our backs- plucking stars from the sky
with a broken bottle between us. we talked about what was
-laughed at yesteryear, and at this moment
I could feel.

your arms and my neck. a perfect set- it would seem
as we slept under a star-crossed tomorrow
and begged the sun. not to rise

that .
was perfection



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If you [Log In] as a member you can discuss this work with others

On Tuesday April 25th, 2006, Kinkypoptart (757) writes:
Beautiful... so much passion put into this write... I can clearly see how you're royalty. Great write ~*~tart~*~


On Saturday February 19th, 2005, Carmina Gitana (118) writes:
So languid and sensuous. I know moments like these and love them - great job at capturing it.


On Friday December 24th, 2004, Urban Shipwreck (980) writes:
This had such a nostalgic feel to it and captured a small moment in time in the most beautifully simplistic way possible. Absolutely awsome man. ~Ryan


On Sunday December 12th, 2004, sIo (872) writes:
your poetry will always make me want to cry.


On Thursday December 9th, 2004, Velvet_Raventon (692) writes:
Really nice, beautiful images! I wonder if the /[]. are necessary in this poem though... I think it would have a better flow without. But it's still great =) ~V.


On Saturday December 11th, 2004, Six-Out (1820) writes:
They're mostly there to break up flow, actually. Put emphasis on certain words and what not.


On Thursday December 9th, 2004, slow.burn.star (99) writes:
you should write emo songs


On Sunday December 19th, 2004, Twilight (2097) writes:
i was thinking the same exact thing...heh


On Thursday December 9th, 2004, slow.burn.star (99) writes:
density rising like fumes from a smokey stomach. .depth.deeper.sober-


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, BeautifulCalamity (583) writes:
--so many lines that just fit. perfectly arranged and written. "your arms and my neck. a perfect set- it would seem as we slept under a star-crossed tomorrow and begged the sun. not to rise". . . *bows*, amazing


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, BeautifulCalamity (583) writes:
once again, you are on my faves list. wow. . .this was absolutely beautiful. damn, you've really made me fall in love with your words with this one. it's so perfect. . so right. I dunno, it all just kinda clicked for me in my head if that makes sense. so


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, frozen (741) writes:
i loved this one beautifully done.


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, An Expired Member (45) writes:
absolutely beautiful and amazing write!


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, Valentine (508) writes:
Yet again, you have contrived a wonderful poem. "- a parade of stars dancing in harmony" . . you have this gift which is just so effortless . . a gift which astounds me. So beautiful, Jon. ~ Rose


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, Solace (1421) writes:
The fleeting indulgence befor the dreary, tiresome waves crash over you...it is those moments, those slivers that keep us here...


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, Rachel (392) writes:
I can see this happening. It plays out like a movie in my mind.. It's beautiful, Jon. Absolutely beautiful.


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, tears of decadence (222) writes:
"your arms and my neck. a perfect set-" hehe.. this was lovely... i esp. liked the end.. it made me giggle a bit.. :P


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, Lotophagi (449) writes:
"on our backs- plucking stars from the sky with a broken bottle between us. we talked about what was" reflective, introspective and yearning.... excellent write Jon. Thank you.


On Wednesday December 8th, 2004, suicideseason (2128) writes:
"in the water- as we lost track of tomorrow"...what a beautiful thought.No worries.No problems...able to let go of everything unimportant to the very moment at hand...*sighs* Beautiful,Jon...Always.



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Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/98/51952 on Saturday November 22nd, 2008 12:07 PM

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