i seem to arrive, right in the middle of things;
unnoticed & misplaced
and i try and try and try to give
by scrubbing my womb, baring my hands,
until i lose all ability
to piece myself together,
like one hapless blunder, that slipped
past the universe
without much luck in vindicating
the integrity of its existence.

i'm the mouse that just won't tread on the mousetrap.

i've said goodbyes, and not understand what i was losing,
i had my heart set on the bigger picture, while little things have always proved true,
for years i prayed. to. a dormant emptiness.
what is the difference between suffering and ignorance?
i saw the park i went to as a kid, where i'd once feed a dozen happy ducks
& pick wild raspberries from the forests,
until the sun began setting, and the sky turned titian,
but i didn't stop.

i can no longer stand to look at humanity in the eye.





i'm a middle person
with no beginning or end
just drifting,
lost between the cracks.

who are these pathetic souls
walking through each other
unable to face freedom,
they hurry back to boxed cages
to serve every hidden personal urge:
masturbation in jaded lament,
substance abuse, alcoholism,
OCDs, whatever perverse eccentrities
that jerks the senses,
amuse those high-cultured minds.

and i cried
and i laughed
in hilarious, hysterical misery.

for every lawsuit that strain already fragile human ties
the cruel disenchantment of a child who
had to grow up too fast.
for those vintage 1900s family portraits
now buried and burnt to the dirt
the number of whales falling victim to japanese harpoons
whose cheap deaths are commonly sold forward as pet food.
that all the supposed control freaks- have no control over their own actions,
must plead innocence when executing a stranger's evil.

i related to an old traveler about the smog hanging above l.a.,
about the machete wars in africa,
how we are slowly being killed by corporations,
with less dignity than the concentration camps.
emissions agreements that are never honoured,
u.n. council members competing for illegal arms deals
he shook his head, ashamed, "we can't solve all the problems in the world."
finally i see, god is simply a symbol
of our fear.

then i just .stopped. believing that i
belonged anywhere.

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