This is a little poem I thought up while watching all of my
"buddies" having a GREAT FUCKIN TIME while I was sitting
in the corner being hit on by some drunk fat chick with
SATANIC halitosis. That girl's breath could have backed a
buzzard off a truckload of guts.
BUT I'M NOT BITTER!!!
Hello, I'm Jake, it's nice to meet you
can I buy you a drink?
Oh, you're driving?
Me too..
I don't know why I come out to this bar
I'm stuck here till those guys get there ass in the car
It sucks when your friends want to go and raise hell
and your the first person that they give a yell
"Hey bro, come and pick us up! D.D. tonight!
We'll buy cokes and breakfast, it'll all be alright!"
You bastards!
Why do I always have to be sober?
Why can't one of you fuckers just for one night take over?
I'm sick of this shit! I wanna get drunk!
I wanna piss the waitress off, get sick and blow chunks!
I want to pass out in the corner and fall
and bounce my thick head right off of the wall!
Then get up and bust a guy dead in his face
for stealing my chair when I fell out of place!
I want the bouncers to give me some lumps!
End up in the hospital and get my stomach pumped!
I want the police to come round to my door
and ask me what's all that blood on my car for!
Oh wait! That can't happen... we have a D.D.!
And unfortunately, that poor bastard is...
...me.
Here, you want a breath mint?
*winks*
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