I ask to be saved
Never expecting to be answered,
Silly boy

Disarming?
Wish I were armed
Then maybe I could make fireworks out of me
Light them all underneath,
So that I could see stars,
Let them show me peace

Baby.. .
I was once somebody’s baby,
I was a daughter loved by her father
Someone’s little girl,
A treasured feeling no longer mine to hold
As time trickles
Like a fountain in my head,
All things continue to turn to sand

Never fear for taking long,
As you see I too procrastinate,
Hiding beneath covers
Running from time,
So I take pleasure in saying
‘Better late than never honey’

I continually seem to be
Letting everything down
Shattering it all to dust
In my rampant attempt to manifest happiness,
I procure tragedies

My shelf is running out of space for these novels
That makes tragic heroes out of me
Fear not,
I was not vying for your heart,
For mine has been cremated
Left lingering in some shady corner,
Concealed in an urn collecting cobwebs

I could never ask for something
I could not give myself,
Nor would I harbor presumptions
For affections such as yours
I merely requested the company of one
Who might understand
The wishful thoughts I muse through
As I carry conversations with popcorn ceilings
Burying my anguish
In the folds of shadows that surround me

Resplendent and vacant
I hum through my days feeling hollow,
Entrenched with uncanny awareness,
Predisposing
 That I too
Will die alone

I was never meant
For the happy ending,
Not with the mind I own
Too filled with dreamy willfulness,
Knowing that reality
Makes gods of us all

We create the fiction we live,
In habitual tenacities we rise
Day after day
Mortal displays of art,
Evolving in a transcendent canvas
 Permeating time and space
Inconstant perceptions of beauty
 Undulating
With the passing shades of light
Filtering from night to day

I find that there is no morality here;
We’re all just vultures,
Feeding our starved minds
Greedy hearts that crave,
Whether meal or love
Luxuries or pain,
In the end we come to find
It’s all the same.

The unending cycle
Recycling the gray,
Leaving our trust at bay
Security the biggest lie
Left cradled at our doorstep
Like a vulnerable child that cries and cries in vain

There’s no such thing as blame,
We’re distorted molds of ephemeral clay
Formulating perfections that exist in the blurred colors of day
It seems we’re all trying desperately
To scratch the itch we can’t scratch

Our arms
 Inept
Able to reach only so far
At such angles
The attempts leaving us like contortioned puppets,
Mangled in strings
Knotted in apprehensions
We wait for the ones
That will let us come undone

I once carried pocketful of answers
Waiting for questions
The question that would end all questions
And leave me with a smile

Till I realized
There were such things as the wrong questions
That could never belong to the right answers,
Or perhaps that people
Never wanted to hear the truth
That although asked,
Never wished to know
 
So I left my bags to sink into the oceans
Leaving myself floating,
Muted on placid waters
Exhaling instead of breathing
Waiting till all the air in me is gone,
So that I’ll join the solution of my plight

For I too am bloated with words,
Yet they leave me nowhere to go
With no one to comprehend meaning
Behind the portraits I paint with them

I find I grow bored with others,
Their confined limits that limit me
I despair,
Start swimming faster,
Till there’s nowhere to go
But under

Where I come to find
I’m happy,
Beneath the waves,
I’m soaring,

Weightless
Like paper
Compressed, not crushed
As if the ocean were holding me
Cradled tight
Reassuring me
This is my place to rest,
Buried in a giant fish tank of tears
 
No corruption lays here
Nor ideologies
Nor meanings,
Brimming of contradictions
Present lays only the form of existence
That owes no apologies,
 
It can never be owned
Nor claimed,
Never be attained
By the morality of mythic religions
Of this dream,
Which is in truth our only hope,
For we shall wake to find us dead one day

We shall than laugh in mirth
That will carry no sound or sight,
And feel just right
The unending joint
That will be spent blazed
with the glorious rays
Of the sun

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