When people get to the point,
where everything and everyone scares them.
When that fear begins to take hold and absorb everything.
When the pain crashes in upon them and threatens to destroy
their very soul, they find a way to cope.
They find ways to deal with the chaos. A way to creat order.
When i was very young, i found that by creating a flame
inside my find i could literally detach myself
from all emotion and thought by putting everything into
this flame. Making a "bon fire" of my emotions.
However there is a down fall...
...Inside my mind there is a fire.
It consumes everything.
It is beautiful.
But it is also terrible.
My survival.
I build a flame in the center of my mind.
I throw in feelings, thoughts, sounds, colors,
EVERYTHING
and it burns and is gone.
Nothing but the beautiful fire remains.
All thoughts and feelings have burned.
It is as if they never were.
And never will be.
Through this emptiness I see,
With amazing clarity
The whole of the world.
The universe.
Everything.
But there is no beauty in what I see.
No pain, but neither is there joy.
This place where nothing is would frighten me if i could
fear.
For there is nothing.
An empty shell remains.
Where am I?
In this emptiness I have not found peace….
I have only lost everything that is me.
Because now im stuck inside this void.
theres no way to get out.
I have no will of my own.
What will become of me.
...not living just existing in an empty alone.
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