My good old dog left me last night
If you guessed that she was with my wife...you're right

They ran right quick like outta here
Left me no money, left me no beer

All I'ze got is my guitar and my britches
To sing me a song about two heartless bitches

"uh-hum"

"All alone in a big country house
got no dog, got no spouse

Got me a gun though
Time to take this pain on the road

Driving down ninety-five angry and sad
Thinkin' about the fun times we had

Her shiny golden locks blowin' in the breeze
always so loving, never the tease

Sweet Maggy, I'd never leave her
my love, my golden retriever

Boy howdy, just my luck
She stole my beat-up Chevy truck

Now she is broken down and lost
Oh how she picked the wrong cowboy to cross

[awhile later]

Drivin' down ninety-five a little too fast
My luck ran out when a police officer passed

I was worried because, honestly, I was drunk
But I was more worried that he would check my trunk

Nice dog sir, but do you realize how fast you were going
To tell the officer truth, I was quite unknowing

Have you been drinking tonight
No sir, I'm a bit shook up from a fight with the wife

Alright, best be off then but slow er' down a bit
I was so excited that I almost shit

Three more exits to the dump and I am free
With my sweet, old Maggy sittin' next to me

Moral of the story to would-be leavin' wives
steal the pots, the pans, and the knives

Even steal my money if you think I'm rich
But don't you ever steal my bitch

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