if i cross my heart and hope to die will it be suicide? or an act of "god", that is if i should be so lucky. i've never had the nerve to really kill myself or maybe it was just that i was hoping that things would get better. the girl i love would finally see that my feelings are not obsessive in a bad way. i'd never hunt her down or hurt her. i quess i just have an odd way of showing my feelings. if she'd let me i'd build her a shrine, i started one the other week. just a few pictures and a peice of hair but it will one day do her justice.

no one understands me, not her anyway. she blew me off, again. i can't take the pain of rejection. more so knowing everyone at work is laughing at me behind my back. tonight i think i'll try to "cross my heart...".

*the next night*

i tried to, but i only knicked the vien. i never would have thought that it would be so painful. oh god i know they are laughing, everyone at work knows what she thinks of me, they know i can't even go through with killing myself. i've gotta act cool when i go in, say something funny. if they aren't laughing at me it wouldn't be that bad.

*9:00AM next morning*

"hey guys. so...i made it to a level three wizard last night in my D&D group." shit that wasn't funny.

 

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