Your russian girlfriend is still on Moscow time
Everything I know about Russia is from Carmen Sandiego
I realize your trains meet up at UIC-Halsted
But I haven't got the evidence or the warrant or the crook

The polish guy by my grade school is learning the bass guitar
Because a snog's not a snog without low notes in the song
There's a song about suicide that always makes me happy
But I wish I was bilingual just like you

Anyone who's anyone knows a slavic language
Imitation's not flattery when it's laced with ineptitude
I shuffle away at the end of the day
I'm your racist friend with a tape recorder
Taped to the side of your 1995 Honda Civic
I laughed at how you broke like a pinata
Your outside shattered and your inside splattered on the floor
I'm not allowed in this state anymore

I wonder if the difference between legends and the lookers
Is a high standard of self-satisfaction
I wonder if anyone listens to the words
Or just listens for the segassem lanimilbus

Everybody kills themselves these days
Everyone regrets that they couldn't see the the face of their ex
Have a good summer, northern hemisphere
I hope everything is adequate for my return
Next Autumn if you got 'em
What's your excuse

Everyone who's everyone knows a slavic language
Imitation's not flattery when it's laced with ineptitude
I shuffle away at the end of the day
I'm your racist friend with a tape recorder
Taped to the side of your 1995 Honda Civic
I laughed at how you broke like a pinata
Your outside shattered and your inside splattered on the floor
I'm not allowed in this state anymore

Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle,
From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues,
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

She go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back!

Everybody knows
Nobody cares
Shut up before you crash my motorbike

Anything for Anything is a slavic language
Imitation's not flattery when it's laced with ineptitude
I shuffle away at the end of the day
I'm your racist friend with a tape recorder
Taped to the side of your 1995 Honda Civic
I laughed at how you broke like a pinata
Your outside shattered and your inside splattered on the floor
I'm not allowed in this state anymore

If I were Ohio I'd be pretty mad
Pretty mad at me.

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