alone again and i dont know what to do.
looking back i was never very good at letting people know i needed attention.
or when to just walk away.
i haven't changed.
so when all the dust has been brushed away,
Do i feel clean?
Or lonely?
or perhaps a little of both.
i am a pleasure delayer.
holding the moment over the edge as long as possible
until someone rescues it
or we take a long dive.
maybe i even go to the point of denying myself obvious accesible pleasure...
just to see if they'll go through the agony of trying again.
the ones i want
never do.

or at least, know me well enough,
not to scare me away...

so here we are
and nothing changes.

i am alone
wishing for you.
or him.
or him.
or her.

finding new possibilities in every day...
hiding from them each in turn.

always running towards some new horizon
but every good candidate needs a running mate...

so how do i,
free,
careless,
wandering
ensnare some poor sap and drag them along in my wake?
seeing the things I want to see.
stepping upon new ground
and gaining none of their own.

will there ever be one as me?
one of the lost ones;
perpetual freedom
is gained by losing oneself,
from there every step you take will be new.
we are rare and hard to find,
and quick to run when scented...

but always,
we yearn
with each new heartbeat,
and every footprint we make on this earth
to find

one

who feels the same.

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