What do you do when the one thing thats there for you to reach out for leaves you shaking and empty and still burdened with words you long to shed. Leaves you staring at a screen with the same message over and over. There is no page to display. No page. Nothing. Oh, you want to go on your little website and write about all the shit thats dragging its claws through your soul WELL TOO BAD. You aren't good enough for the internet gods. Why do you think that if no one around you will listen that these people even care. Why should they care about your shitty little life and your shitty little problems. Why should you sigh and scream and rant and cry only for them to scroll past all your words dripping with apathy just to go to the bottom and tell you "aw it will be ok". But nothing is ok in this fucking world. We're all falling down faster and faster but we doont even have the solace of sharp rocks to end the fall. We just seem to keep sliding and once you find something to grab even just to slow the descent eventually they will let you go and walk away without looking back. I mean they have so many other things to worry about why add one more thing to care about. Why increase their burden, its just as easy to watch you fall. And its just as easy to let go of the hand thats holding you. If only it were as easy to rid the lingering feeling of their touch from your skin, their soft whispers from the hollow of your ear, the brand they leave in your soul when they tell you they care and you believe them. That's it. You're theirs. And then they walk away, all silence and shame. Or at least you wish they felt shame for what they've done. You beg and plead to stay in their thoughts, to dance in their dreams when the truth is they''ve forgotten you. They forgot the color of your eyes, the light in your smile, and the touch of your skin. You are just another shadow on their wall that they dont want to see anymore. And then you stop reaching for something to stop the fall. You welcome the thought of being lost in oblivion so you drug your mind and body to match your soul. It is then that you are no longer truly alive. Screaming for the rare moments of clarity and truth to stop screaming in your head. Begging for the simplest echo of silence after the fall. For me even the silence is too loud...
Copyright 2004 weheldhandsattheendoftheworld
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