A is for apathy among its inhabitants.
B is for bitchy women.
C is for Catholic bible bangers.
D is for democrats with no chutzpah.
E is for Ecstasy tablets.
F is for the Ferry that runs inconsistently.
G is for guidos and guidettes.
H is for hairgel - the most consumed product on the island.
I is for ignorance in all its glory.
J is for Jews who act like mafiosos.
K is for king-sized SUVs that pollute our air.
L is for lousy bus service.
M is for the Mall, so important that it must be capitalized.
N is for nosy neighbors.
O is for Old Navy fleeces, another hot commodity.
P is for police officers who love their whiteness.
Q is for Queens, where natives claim to be born.
R is for racism, sexism and homophobia.
S is for stylistically challenged tweens.
T is for tans that last all year round.
U is for the uniformity in wardrobe: solid colored t-shirt/wifebeater, semi-bleached jeans, spiky hair that is bleached in the front, white Nikes/Timbs, and an Old Navy fleece
V is for Volpe. Justin Volpe.
W is for women with wide heads.
X is for the Xerox copies that are the townhouses.
Y is for the yuppies in Todt Hill.
Z is for the snoring I would like to engage in right now, since waking up and finding myself in Staten Island makes me wish I stayed in bed.
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