Lately,

I've been pelted by grenades

And the pseudo-intellectuals who throw them

Don't realize

That they never pulled out the pins.

They would have more clout

If they actually made some kind of difference

By trying to start a revolution

Instead of thinking that passing the final exam

For their Introduction to Contemporary Croatian Philosophy class

With flying colors

Is the way to initiate one.

My eyes shoot flames

At pretentious students

Who claim to have such an expansive world view.

Who claim to have the most open of minds.

Who claim to have all of these grandiose ideas about overthrowing the government.

They've been attending college for the last twenty years,

Because they're so fucking special

That they don't need

To finish the last few credits that are required,

Graduate magna cum laude like they are entitled to,

And actually live in the real world,

And this is how they rage against the machine.


These are people

Who can tell you the blood types of every U.S. president,

Translate the Tao Te Ching into Middle English,

And paint a replica of "The Rape Of The Sabine Women"

But have no idea how to survive in fields that don't involve their book smarts.

It should be mentioned

That this is in no way

A condemnation of higher education

Or the quest for knowledge,

But there are people out there

Who need our attention,

And they're not going to get that attention

By purchasing an overpriced textbook

From a college bookstore

Owned by Barnes and Noble.


I hate to be a downer,

But reading the works of Marx and Engels

Does not make you a revolutionary.

Wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt

Does not make you a revolutionary.

Spewing conspiracy theories after taking a few bong hits

Does not make you a revolutionary.

Drinking vodka straight up

Does not make you a revolutionary.

Owning an AK-47

Does not make you a revolutionary.

Having the same birthday as

Mumia Abu-Jamal

Leonard Peltier

Huey P. Newton

Angela Davis

Ruben Carter

Or Assata Shakur

Does not make you a revolutionary.


Social change will occur

When you take some fucking action.

Find your own way

To contribute to the development

Of a better tomorrow.

This is usually accomplished

By giving of yourself in some form or another.

Stop trying to impress people

By your ability to quote Edward Said,

Or even try to impress people that you know the name,

And use your intelligence for more productive activities,

Because if today's battle wounds are paper cuts

It's not my revolution,

And what it all comes down to

Is that you are living in a fantasy world

Where you have these idealized notions

About the revolution

And eventually making your transition

From sniveling nerd to pretentious prick to proletarian vanguard to benevolent dictator,

But you seriously need a reality check.

Until then,

Get your degree

Get out of college.

Get real.

Get a life.

GET OVER YOURSELF!

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