Secrets of the midnight hour
(Or "the dark side of Father Christmas")
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1.Cold and late it is at night
For christmas day is now in sight
In the houses of mankind
Tears and sorrow are hard to find

2.Santa has a lot to do
All the toys he must go through
Sick of this shit, he wants to break loose
So he grabs a bottle of booze

3.Santa gets as drunk as few
drinking booze and eating stew
But then an idea comes to his head
"the tooth-fairy I shall join in bed"

4. Out with Rudolf in the night
The wind it howls with all it's might
To the fairy's house they ride
"Hey, if she's good she'll be my bride"

5.Santa knocks hard on her gate
A gnome opens, says "it's late!"
"I want the fairy, so lets go,
after all I'm Santa Claus y' know!"

6.The fairy comes dressed in her gown
she must be the best in town
She dances round and the gnomes clap
But Santa has no time for crap

7.Now, Santa has a real good time
and he doesn't have to pay a dime
"Spread your legs and let me in
I want to feel your fairy skin"

8.Santa wants to try some new
So he looks through fairy's crew
finds himself a homognome
"Hello laddy, Dad's home"

9.Outside the snow begins to fall
Santa can feel the whiskey call
Smokes a joint and drinks some wine
Now he's feeling pretty fine

10.Rudolf waits for Santa Claus
He'd get beaten otherwise, of course
So there's no idea to whine
When Santa comes drunk as a swine

11.The choirboys are passing by
Santa liked them once, but why?
Young boys marching in a line
"I think that they look just fine..."

12. Santa works real quick at night
plants some damn fine dynamite
From a bridge of wood and stone
The little nasty brats are blown

13."That was fun, ho ho, ho ho"
Now I think I'll homeward go"
But first he makes it all the way
To the stables warm, damp hay

14.The stable-boy thinks no one's 'round
He rides his pony upside-down
Santa sneaks up, smacks his rear
"You're a boy I like, y' hear!"

15.They tumble 'round in the hay
Both of them are feeling gay
Then Santa gives a sudden yell
"Fairy's filming, what the hell!"

16.The stable-boy runs from the bed
Makes the fairy join the dead
Then Santa says: "I'm not just gay,
I can also try the passed away"

17.Oops, Santa he flipped out, mind you
So let us jump back to part two

2.Santa has a lot to do
All the toys he must go through
Sick of this shit, he wants to break loose
So he grabs a bottle of booze

3.The spirit's warm within his chest
Now he gets his christmas rest
Falls asleep right in his chair
Let us leave our Santa there

4.Well, christmas was a piece of cake
though Santa had a bad headache
But he'll come back next year again
To your house my little friend, HOHOHOHO!

Merry Christmas!
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All credits go to my good friend Fredrik, without whom this poem wouldn't exist.

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