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"not an end" by FindAgentX

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my heart is heavy with some undeniable ache
it could be heartbreak...
but it feels so much more (like heartburn)

i have nothing left to give to you
you've completely drained me





and.now.i'm.gone




leaving you behind now
...to pick up the pieces.

i gave you everything and now it's time to find something new for myself.
(.where do i begin?.)
i can't start from the beginning and i'm trying to erase the end.

scratching out the worst from my memory.
in fact, it almost leaves me with nothing at all.

but, you know... that's not so bad.


i'm not going to say it's your fault
and i'm not going to blame myself.

it's just one of those things,
like the end of winter- when the snow is gone,

hardly even noticed until you feel the heat.

this is a beginning and not an end.




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On Saturday June 5th, 2004, capt_funguy (992) writes:
really like the winter snow analogy ... and the peeking optimism that this ends with ... beautiful work altogether ... funguy


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
Oh! I just noticed your post about constructive criticism - I don't really have any suggestions for this one at all, to be honest. I think it is effective,


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
since you are talking about beginning again, to have the break from the first to the last section "and.now.i'm.gone". I also think in the launch off to what will come in the second section,


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
you successfully convey the uncertainty inherent in something like that and you avoid giving some "and now things will be beautiful" rubbish. I think this is very successfully presented as is.


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
One might say that visually it would be an improvement to balance out the two sections lengthwise...but, I wouldn't really do that either, because it is the perfect length now and with this one less is more...


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
also the first section being short conveys the notion that the ground there has already been well trod and it's time to move on. So...sorry, but no criticism on this one, just praise, I'm afraid. : )


On Saturday May 29th, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm (747) writes:
This is another wonderful piece - I love the line "like the end of winter- when the snow is gone, hardly even noticed until you feel the heat"...that is a great way to describe it. You are exquisite! Ciao, T/S


On Saturday May 15th, 2004, Evil (491) writes:
i think its beautiful. but i dont count. erika...it is time to move on, and im very very happy for you. he's been dragging you down, and now you're free. go find someone that will care for you, but still let you be yourself. *hugs*


On Friday May 14th, 2004, FindAgentX (20) writes:
please leave me some comments on this one-i'm in desperate need of constructive criticism.



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