My obedient pet
I want you in my veins
And sitting on my chest
Giving my heart a run for its money.

You are
My gun that's on empty
My brain ignited
Flighted
On falsified hope.

A story bok
With all delicacies included
In a soft voice
Polite skin
In whimpering mousy equations.

With you
I have the elegance
Of elderly woman
Who dress themselves up
For their evening soap opera
Adorned in blood red lipstick
And tacky, tacky jewelry.

You make crumpled paranoia
Seem beautiful
Seem dainty
On mute, chapped lips.

I wish I could hold you
But you've already flooded me-
Caused me to praise imperfection
Made me lie in dandelions
Pretending they were sunflowers
Constricting all muscles
In such comfortable ways.

Caused me to cower
At my own imperfections
GAve me truth and terror
Unravelled all subtleties
Till I'm pouring
"I am not beautiful."

You are my rollercoaster
Of blood and life
Death and terror
Callous Beauty
Tragic Envy.

You give me life and death and reality
And I pine for you
To make me one
With the sickness
You give me
The life
You breathe into me
The reality
You strike down upon me
That I will neglect
So I can praise you.

You carry me through night
Into morning
And I become
The snow screen that's left
When the tape stopped playing.

I love you
Because I'm to hollow
To care about anything
Except trying to execute
One complete sentence.

And I feel
Like the best orgasm
Or the cheapest fuck
-I can't really decide-
But sleep doesn't come
Either way
My eyes still ache through hours of the sun.

And I am left on the doorstep
Of the conclusion
That there is no conclusion-

That I am
So intensely beautiful
So intensely ugly
So intensely indifferent...
I just wish I could close my eyes.

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