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"My Pain" by nightshade

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I am feeling so much pain when you open your eyes,
for in the darkest depths from your eyes i cannot hide.
Searching through heaven for an open door.
It was slammed in my face and i can bear the pain no more.
So now my demon's have escaped and they are on the prowl.
and everyone can see my soul has run afoul.
So now run and try to find a place to hide from me.
For in our tormented hell called life.
No one rides for free.



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On Sunday January 9th, 2005, Rain In The Willows (855) writes:
it gave it almost a repetetive aura, to where it seemed you knew what you wanted to say, but didn't no how to say it...like you weren't really feeling this(the write).but like I said, it's a good start:)


On Sunday January 9th, 2005, Rain In The Willows (855) writes:
the third and the last line were my faves..while it's a good start, it seemed like the rhyme took away from it and made you repress what you wanted to get out to make it rhyme correctly...



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Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/4525/54258 on Sunday September 07th, 2008 09:51 PM

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