God, I am so very, very sorry –
to the point I have diminished.
For my thoughts, I ask forgiveness;
likewise for my anger and distrust of your world.
I have let myself wallow in dissatisfaction,
in arrogant self-servitude,
for long enough that I now look again to you for light where I have denied it.
I am asking,
begging,
from my now shallow depths,
that you might deepen me again.
I am finished with who I once thought I was,
and now hope,
I hope,
to return to who I am.
The Nathaniel You made.
Upon my waking every day,
and in every moment,
remind me of this.
Upon my ending, remind me of this.
After all stars have shined their last,
let me never deny that they once were wondrous.
And in so sparking my soul, let me not forget them now while they still burn above my doubting head –
that this mind and soul should feel faith and hope again
as visceral and solid as a child in awe.
Upon my waking…
upon my waking…
Amen
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