I may never forget the plaque
And the way it hit me
Like a cold November wind
When the day started sunny and slightly warm
That tinge of summer
Dancing about my hands and
Lifting the tips of my hair
Like children laughing in the hot salty waves
Of an ocean
An ocean that smiled with one eye
While the other grinned down into deep and murky waters
That kept hidden the hungry.

I may never forget your eyes
As they fell upon this plaque praising fathers
I wondered at what I saw:
Hope?
Sadness?
Regret?
Love?
Sorrow?
Tears . . .

I may never forget that my mouth
Spat words I can never reclaim:
"You were no father"
"You are nothing to me"
"I hate you"

I may never forget the chains of guilt
That grew into my heart that day
That wound their way into my soul
And rusted
Like the empty swings you built for me
In our backyard
As though we were any other
Father and Daughter.

I may never forget my own regret
That keeps me awake on nights like these
When I remember the plaque
And my words
And your eyes.

But I am certain I will never forget
That you were:
A rapist
A child molester
An abuser
And a monster.

And when I remember that,
I forgive myself.

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