my poetry is like getting lost inside a haunting portrait of long forgotton dreams left unfulfilled...A thought provoking insight into what motivates me to move forward on this journey....an almost disturbing....... always realistic view of what captivates my damaged soul...
MY ONLY CONCERN IN LIFE IS THIS... THE FEELING THAT THIS CONNECTION SHARED BETWEEN US ONCE PURE AND UNTAINTED, IS DYING BETWEEN US....ALL OF MY ISSUES ALONG THIS JOURNEY HAVE BEEN WITH THE DESIRES I HAVE ABANDONED...AND WITH THE BEAUTY THAT I ALLOWED TO SLIP RIGHT THROUGH MY FINGERS...AND PASS ME BY....ONE TO MANY TIMES!
FEAR....IS THE SILENT KILLER OF ALL THAT WE ARE
INSIDE...FEAR OF FAILURE WILL CAUSE US TO GROW STAGNANT AND OLD BEFORE OUR TIME...NEVER GAINING AN INCH DUE TO THE MILES OF FEAR WE CARRY WITH US EVERYDAY....
The road to hell is paved with good intentions...
let it go...
I guess its out of self presurvation...that I haven't let myself fully
feel the realization...
that all I thought I'd found in you ..... in us.....has withered
away...dried up....killed all my trust...
and just like dust....it blew away with the wind...leaves me wondering
if was all just pretend...or was my imagination working over
time....because the feelings you wrote of seemed so real and pure....and it had
been a while since i felt so sure of anyone or anything......must less
a prison fling....the heart can never really sing on paper.....but your
words were operas in a world full of nursrey rhymes....i don't know how
many times....it felt like you were right there...because i felt every emotion you expressed....
with every inch of my tainted soul.....wondering now if it was just something
to pass the time.....leaves an empty hole..
look at me once and you will see....the damage....thats been inflicted
i guess its fair to say you never really were conflicted....
and i never would have predicted... that it would go the way it went....
after all the time you spent....getting to know me.....all of me......
intending to grow through me.....but in the end all you did was throw me away.....
i could have been a friend with no intention of anything more....
you opened that door....and i walked through it with little hesitation if any.....
now i can add you to the many heart breaks i've smiled my way through...
head held high....eyes bright....with acceptance.....
to mask the anger that runs so deep inside me.....its much safer to
hide it from me... and i think i've got to allow myself to really feel
it....this seething anger that seeps from my every pour...its a smooth shot
of appathy...that blends perfectly with my dna...which alters me from who i
really am.....keeps me sane....numbs the pain....my misdirected
destinations that are an intentional consequence of one thing leading to
another...always running for cover...from the places where i find
myself...the coupious maze of disconnected active land mines that i seem to spin so
effortlessly with in...but i think i'm afraid to really feel it.....the dissapointment in the
choices we've made...once far but not so long ago....are the actions
that caused the reactions...which are now just points of mild
intrest.....inside my fortress.......the emptiness decorated with trinkets and
treasures...my dead pan eyes covered with gucci sunglasses give no clues
to the dressed up desolate hole where i find shelter from the storm
that rages on and on and on...and on.....and i think i'm ready to really
feel it......the conclution that everything in life will come full
circle.... the fruit sewn by damaged seeds is perfectly imperfect and
uniquely my very own.....before i can ever really feel it.....the warmth of
the morning sun breaking in the distance....casting an incredible glow
of golden pink misty morning haze all around me....healing me..... i've
got to have the courage to really....feel it....if ever i'm to heal
it....and let it go......
