"I think i just miss her. Miss being in love. I think i'm just lonely."





I hung out with my lil sister today.

Saw 300.

I gave her a hug as she dropped me off home.

As she drove off i thought of what i would do if i heard a crash.

She's my sister. She's my only family.

The only person on this planet i would kill for.

Who i would die for.

That kills me.







I've been in love twice.

I'm 21 and a virgin.

I smoke a lot of pot.

I listen to a lot of music.

I, with time, can move people with rehearsed words and verse.

I'm really fuckin funny, in a will ferral way.

And i'm lonely, here.

It's a price i pay for freedom

From people.

From guilt.







I know some increadable people.

I keep very, very few friends.

I can keep any conversation light.

I can make a homeless man laugh.

I'm far too deep for my own good.







My parents are horrible, horrible people.

My mind and memory of early youth is fragmented.

A broken vase, missing pieces.

I apply far too much time looking for glue.







I feel a pressure, like hunger.

And i miss the dish that filled me.

I fear i am a starving man who never learned to fish.

I am far too proud to beg.

I detest charity.

I don't need it.








My dad think's i'm gay.

My mom tells me i'm dead to her.

My brother just wants to use me.

So i only know one kind of love.







I only know the love of innocence.

I only express myself in laughter or tears.

I am hot, I am cold, Or i am High.

I seek escape where i may find it.

I find it.







All these things set me up for the fall.

The realization.

The real.







I will never find innocence.

I will never share the warmth of another for the first time.

I will settle.

I will die, that day.

I am

In a world without purity

Without love







And what's the point of it all

Without love?










I only hold hope now that i can share.

I can be real and truthful and kind

To make up for everyone else.

All of you.

Maybe someday someone will listen

And i'll show all sides of myself

I'll be judged

Sized up

Forgiven






And by keeping that hope, i continue.

I survive.

And i keep an eye wide to the world

Looking for ghosts.

Looking for a muse.

Looking for love.

Innocence.

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