In the back pew of St. Rosemary’s Cathedral, a single tear quietly escaped. Gently, it rolled down its owner’s cheek before dropping to the ground by the weight of all the pain that had caused it to be shed.

       “William is survived by his nineteen-year-old son Steven, his wife Beth, and their children: seven-year-old Katy and five-year-old William Jr. His unconditional love and generosity will continue on in their hearts and will never be forgotten.”

       Steven remembered it all too well – the casket with the silver lining, the family members that he only knew from Christmas cards, even how Katy had buried her face in his step-mother’s lap when the casket was shut. The entire day had seemed surreal. It existed in a realm between fantasy and reality where the dreams of one had become the nightmares of the other.

       His mother’s casket had occupied the very same space nearly twelve years ago. That painful time had been the birth of an equally painful idea. That was when he’d first met Joe.

       “Hey there kiddo,” he’d said over a decade ago. “You doing okay?”

       What kind of a question was that? Of course he wasn’t doing okay. His mother was gone forever; they wouldn’t even let him open the casket to say goodbye.

       Joe rubbed him on the shoulder, “I know it’s tough. I was a friend of your mother. She was a great woman,” he took a breath. “It hurts to see her go doesn’t it?”

       Steven was already crying. “Yes.”

       Wiping the tears from his eyes, Steven ran towards the corner where his father was standing – partially to talk to him and partially to get away from Joe.

       “The insurance company’s been giving us trouble since she visited Joe’s secret place,” Steven overheard his father say to a woman named Beth.

       “What’s Joe’s secret place?”

       “Steven! What are you doing here? You know better than to eavesdrop!”

       Steven began to cry again.

       “Oh Steven,” his father said, kneeling down to hug him. “I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it. You just surprised me, that’s all.” He dried off Steven’s remaining tears with his hands and then looked him firmly in the eye. “Joe’s secret place is something bad. We don’t talk about it. Okay?”

       Steven nodded in compliance.

       Now that day was only a memory. One of the many memories marked with pain, but the first in which relief had seemed a possibility. In the back pew of St. Rosemary’s Cathedral, that possibility now seemed closer than ever.

       “I’m sorry, you’re just not working out,” Joe’s voice resonated through the massive chamber. Joe had been a friend of the family for some years now; he was always there when the family had troubles.

       “What are you talking about?” The words rang in Steven’s mind – an engraved memory from a week ago.

       “I talked to the Dean at Northwest Stevie.” Steven cringed at Joe’s use of his name. His mother had called him Stevie. “She told me about the troubles you’ve been having. You’re going to flunk out, you know.”

       “I know,” Steven said flatly. The truth was, he didn’t care anymore. All his life he’d wanted to be a lawyer like his father. Cavum and Cavum they were going to call the firm, but that didn’t matter any longer. Now his father was gone and Steven’s college career was over.

       “She’s not the only one I talked to. Your roommate told me that you’re becoming nocturnal. He said you sleep all day and when you are awake you’re always in a bad mood. That doesn’t sound like you Stevie.”

       “What does he know? It’s none of his business anyway.” His roommate Randy hadn’t even noticed when Steven tried to subtly mention Joe’s secret place. Not that it mattered; he probably would’ve suggested counseling, which was the last thing Steven would consent to.

       Joe sighed, “Stevie, I care about you. You know that right? I mean, even though your parents are gone, I’m still here for you.”

       Steven paused at the awkward moment. He’d expected this to come, but Joe was being awfully direct. “Yeah I know that Joe.” The truth was, Joe was the only person who still cared about him. Beth had never cared. Kate and Willie were her only concerns.

       Joe stood. “Follow me. I want to show you something, my secret place. Have you heard about it?”

       “Yeah,” Steven hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that Joe.”

       “Okay, that’s fine. But at least come and look at it before you make your final decision. No harm in that.”

       “Alright,” Steven said, rising. “But no promises.”

       “That’s fair.”

       They headed towards the pulpit and entered though a door next to the tabernacle. Steven remembered being in the room a few times before, back when he was an alterboy. Luckily, Father Thomas was out for the day. He’d been summoned to the hospital for Jenny Johnson’s appendectomy. Joe led the way to a dark corner and showed Steven another door that was slightly concealed. They opened it and headed up the spiral staircase within.

       “We’re almost there. Cover your eyes, it’s going to get very bright.”

       Steven did as he was told as Joe opened up the door and let in the blinding sunlight.

       “This is the bell tower.” Steven hesitated at the edge of the door. “Don’t worry, we’re not there yet. Come over here and look.”

       Steven looked out over his hometown. The bell tower was about five or six stories tall, so he could see for miles over the Nebraska terrain. He saw Cademon’s Creek, where he’d played as a child, Truman High, his alma mater, and next to it old Mrs. Ferguson’s house, where he learned to play the piano. None of these places held any meaning for him anymore. They were mere places with no significance.

       “Breathtaking isn’t it Stevie? Your mother stood on this very spot nearly twelve years ago. They tried to hide it from you; she visited my secret place.”

       Steven swallowed hard. He’d learned that from his father, but now he knew what it was. He knew how much it could help. It was the only thing that could. All these years he’d pretended like he didn’t care, but he’d thought about Joe all the time.

       “Go ahead. You don’t have to worry anymore,” Joe prompted.

       Joe was right. Everyone had been trying to tell him how wrong it was to visit Joe’s secret place, but had they stopped to think about his mother? She couldn’t have been wrong.

       A simple visit and none of it would matter anymore. The pain would disappear along with everyone’s opinions.

       An amazing sense of peace washed over Steven’s body as he made his decision. Steven stepped forward – off of the bell tower and into Joe’s secret place.

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