(Written with Alanarchy. Featuring carlosjackal
Title credit to the one and only Col)







I've painted my share of useless skies with
words that held little if no meaning.
Symbolic manic depressions, spread over
so much paper, and spilling from the boundaries
Until there's nothing left to do but mop up
all my excess with what's left of a broken heart
The quandaries of a life so miniscule, would
break the backs of the most simplistic poets
Be they angels writing in gold script over clouds
Or the demons, spelling out hate in the refuse of my soul

And I, who wrote once in colours resplendent
Columbine streams, and arched sky ways
refracted emotive hues

But now, O, now my rainbows have become twisted
and for what? For one last glory?
To know my shattered heart was not in vain.
The tears I shed for you fall from my finger tips.
From the very instruments you once loved to play.
In your eyes I used to see myself.
Now I see nothing. She's vanished.
She died. We watched her burn.
Melt. Into a puddle of liquid after thoughts.

And after what?
After love?

Or some strange imagined affection, like
something briefly dreamed from the linens of
whore's beds. Waking to nothing but
an empty room and a jar full of your
thoughtless pennies, that I had thoughtlessly
Asked for, each time you would shut me from your mind

"A penny for your thoughts..."
A dollar for your daydreams,
And just for your touch- oh god- my last dime!

Sold my soul at bargain price
just to see you smile.
To see those lips. That face.
I always want to remember your smile.
It was the only glimpse into your heart you gave me.
You led me to the edge of love
but I was the only one who jumped.
You stood. Breathless. Almost in shock.
In love I throw caution to the wind.
I have nothing to gain, but everything to lose.
And you? You just stood. Somber. Closed.
When I loved you I lost you.

To the void
And its entrapment of fear
That snares you in like blind schizophrenia

You were never always like this though
I remember days of crazy rays
That beamed back off hopeful mirrors
Hung serenely in rapturous skies
And blades of grass revealing answers
To mysteries of the imagination
That were never really answers at all
Yet all in all
We revelled in the excitement of a new day
Together
Laughing
Sparkles joined from iris to iris
Like dots joined from one heart to another

Memories comfort me.
They are all I have.

What could I have done to make you reject me, so.
You demanded the world from me and I gave it to you.
You wanted the sun. My hands, they blistered
but your wish was my comand.
Yet, you were never satisfied.
Always wanting more, like a spoiled child.
Making demands I could no longer deliver
and when my will ran dry you accused me of
never loving you.

And the notion is absurd
The thought- the very words should
have withered in your mind
Like the last suffering rose of the season
Covored in frost, it's glory paleing
Without words, without lips,
One last grain of salt fallen among my collection
of well placed cuts- I never loved you?

Not a blacker jest in all the writings of Eliot
N'ere was there less truth in the Virgin Gardens of Eden
With guiltless apples rotting beneath bare boughs

My love for you was more abundant than are
tears in the ocean, But my eyes can no longer
Burn in your memory

You have passed on into obscurity
And I cannot, for you, cry anylonger

Together we were intense.
Always from one extreme to the other.
We knew no middle ground.
Our love dreamt in shades of black and white.

I will swallow these words
so you will never find them.
Bury our memory one last time.

To love you was to suffer
and what a sweet suffering it was.

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