DarkPoetry -|- Liz -|- finding myself

finding myself

[300 dollar deposit
35 dollars each month]
i bought a cell phone
just to
find you

how stupid, thinking something so
cheap
could ever bring you
closer

if you don't need to see me
you don't need to
see me
i'm finally beginning
to see

card games and mario
the old boys
and smoke
my company cannot
compete

and believing the lie
"i'll be seeing you soon"
is only deceiving
myself

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Comments on finding myself

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On Wednesday January 5th, 2005, Gideon Lost (187) writes:

I like the way the title plays into this. By the way, the subject of your poem sounds like a loser. Great minimalism here and line breaks are perfect! That takes real skill.

On Monday January 3rd, 2005, stuart_pid (217) writes:

i like this, i think the fact that its quick, unfiltered thought is what i like about it. you have obvious talent. the last two stanzas are perfect.

On Monday January 3rd, 2005, Anth (1613) writes:

i liked this, i mean so many will relate,its minimal, yet it doesnt feel like ive read it all before,u have the skill of offering fresh perspective to familiar themes

On Sunday December 19th, 2004, Full blame (33) writes:

this is amazing, esp. the second stanza. timeless

On Tuesday December 14th, 2004, Clerik (49) writes:

And you got it out well.

On Tuesday December 14th, 2004, Northstar (454) writes:

I think this piece is very well done--you express yourself clearly...and as a reader I can definitely relate to and grasp what you are trying to express--nicely done

On Monday December 13th, 2004, Raven (378) writes:

I have no technical advice, for I think that any technicalities only add to the piece as a whole... I love the concept, because it's something I think everyone should relate to at one point or another... Last stanza closed it perfectly..._Raven

On Monday December 13th, 2004, An Expired Member (94) writes:

this piece reminds me of a modern day gwendolyn brooks...impressively constructed, and solid...me like. -zay

On Monday December 13th, 2004, Liz (406) writes:

No technical advice on this one please. It was only 10 minutes of work for something I needed to get out.

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