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"Deserted" by SalemLex

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Sitting in the desert
Dying of thirst.
Illusions of water,
Dance all around me.
I crawl forward
And try to drink.
Quickly the clear water,
Turns to dark ash.

Fire consumes everything.
Black smoke fills the air.
Harsh sulfur seeps into
My fragile, pure lungs.
I cough and gag.
Expelled from my body,
A black mass slithers away.
I crawl further toward light.

Blinding light fills me.




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On Wednesday May 23rd, 2007, Trigger (123) writes:
Your imagery was great. the end could have flowed better without using the word 'light' so soon after the first time, but other than that, a great write. -Saeth-


On Tuesday May 15th, 2007, The Zebra Warrior (2401) writes:
this is alchemy gone wrong......the desert/deserted metaphor was nicely expressed here.....certainly a fragile and volatile feeling with mentions of smoke/sulphur/ark ash etc....nice


On Tuesday May 15th, 2007, The Zebra Warrior (2401) writes:
and the end is almost an anti-climax and I think that compliments it precisely, as so often can be the case...death is not always so grand



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