Some Background-
I've been trying to get my GED, go to college, take my SATS, eat on a daily basis, get to the doctor to see if i have cervical cancer, juggle two jobs, and prepare to move to CA.
For my SAT test, I needed to know my parents' income for last year. My father refused to tell me. These are the ims... and my poetic response.

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Kittygrrlbast: ok, dad, let me put it this way.
Kittygrrlbast: if i don't fill it out
Kittygrrlbast: and i get this whole damn thing sent back, and can't take my SAT because it's not filled out
Kittygrrlbast: because YOU won't tell me this one thing
Kittygrrlbast: i expect you to pay for any fees that need to be paid so i can still do my SAT Dec 6.
Just1nF: I don't see why they need that information so you can take a test
Kittygrrlbast: well
Kittygrrlbast: you better hope they don't.
Kittygrrlbast: cause if they won't let me take it
Kittygrrlbast: cause you won't help me
Kittygrrlbast: then i expect, quite fairly i think, that you take responsibility for that.
Just1nF: I suspect they collect that info for marketing purposes
 Kittygrrlbast: let's hope.
Kittygrrlbast: but will you take that responsibility if that isn't the case?
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Kittygrrlbast: i'll take your silence as a "yes Katy, that's fine, and i'm proud you're taking all this initiative."
Just1nF: I am pleased that you are taking this initiative
 Just1nF: I don't like the pressure
 Kittygrrlbast: well y'know, it's fucking hard to when all i seem to get is struggle.
 Kittygrrlbast: i'm working damn hard on this.
 Kittygrrlbast: like i did my GED.
 Just1nF: that's good
 Kittygrrlbast: and i feel like i deserve a little more encouragement from you
 Kittygrrlbast: you're my family, just to remind you.
 Kittygrrlbast: it'd be swell if you seemed proud i was doing this on my own
 Kittygrrlbast: and working hard on my own
 Kittygrrlbast: and applying for college
 Kittygrrlbast: did i mention on my own?
 Just1nF: we are proud that you are doing this
 Just1nF: a few times
 Kittygrrlbast: plus
 Kittygrrlbast: you wanna talk pressure?
 Kittygrrlbast: i might have cancer.
 Kittygrrlbast: ok?
 Kittygrrlbast: you want pressure? i'm moving in two months
 Kittygrrlbast: and taking my SATS
 Kittygrrlbast: and applying for college
 Kittygrrlbast: and juggling two jobs.
 Kittygrrlbast: AND entertaining someone from Scotland
 Just1nF: did you call about the colposcopy yet?
 Kittygrrlbast: i have an appt, yes.
 Just1nF: good
 Kittygrrlbast: and you're totally missing the point.
 Kittygrrlbast: do you possibly begin to see why i might feel like NOTHING i ever do is good enough for you? why no matter howhard i work it's just not enough? why i might feel overwhelmed?
 Just1nF: OK, Mom found out - that question is optional, you can leave it blank
 Kittygrrlbast: ::shakes head:: forget it. great, glad you protected your privacy and your money.
 Just1nF: I was very pleased when you took the GED
 Kittygrrlbast: i honestly don't want to hear it.
 Kittygrrlbast: too little too late.
 Just1nF: OK
 Kittygrrlbast: good night.

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never enough

whatever the fuck i do
i swear
it's never enough for you
or her
and i wonder
as i always wondered when you were in my life
what it would take
for you to quit being self absorbed asses
and start being parents

and you
you dare to tell others
that i live in a fantasy world
fantasy?
is it fantasy
to live in welfare?
my dream
to have to barter and beg
for food every day
and go hungry most nights?
some hope of mine
to cry each night
and wonder if i can make it to tomorrow?

what the fuck are you thinking???

i have an imagination

if i was going to fantasize
it'd be a HELL of a lot better than this
i'd be able to see the stars
and smell the ocean
i'd be able to relax
i'd be able
to live my life
imperfect
and ok with that
i'd be able
to just be

but you
you
shatter my glass ceilings
just so the shards
will make me bleed

i have to question
are you doing this to be cruel?
or are you really that blind
that you think reaching a hand to someone drowning
only makes them weak?

i love the hypocrisy that spews from your lips
like how great it is
to work for what you have
yeah
like you ever had to
you went to Cornell at 17
and Mommy bought you a car
and clothes
and food
you had everything you wanted
handed to you

you say you understand
sure you do
i bet you've slept with people for money
or spent all day savoring a ramen
yeah
it's tough, isn't it?
being upper middle class?
having two cars and a paid for house?
i bet it really stresses you out
and that it's hard for you to pinch those pennies
so you can buy thousands of dollars worth
of jewelry equipment
that'll gather dust downstairs....

i cry for you
really
i do

you fucking cunts

i can't wait
to shut you up
in institutions
and old folks homes
cause i don't want to have to deal with you
much like you did
all my teenage years
with sterile hospitals
that raped me
left me dry
and empty

you robbed me
of childhood
so fuck you
and fuck your sympathy

shove it up your ass
i'm not your child
you sent away to court
to make sure i wasn't your problem
or responsibility
left me
to live on the street

so i have one finger
and two words
for you now-

piss

off

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