I've got something to tell you
You probably think it's something
s e x u a l
That's the depth of your understanding
You know none of this would have happened
if you hadn't mettled the way you did.
You should have accepted things as they are
instead of trying to interfere with destiny.
You see you can't interfere with destiny,
that's why it's destiny
And if you try to interfere
the same thing will happen anyway and you'll
s u f f e r
It's hard to remember how the whole thing started
but I recall being invited into her house
and you told me to do what-ever it takes to get
what I want
I guess you didn't expect that I actually would.
It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything
I'm attracted to the person
It's just that all the people I've ever been attracted to
happen to be women...

After she rejected me I couldn't shake the feeling that
my life had no purpose
What did God want from me?
Why did I exist?
Sometimes you can search everywhere for answers
then one day destiny just walks up and taps you on the shoulder
I know because it happened to me.

I don't really blame her for not wanting to
she said we were just experimenting and that
she wasn't a dyke
It's not an excuse for becoming a junkie
I mean I'm glad I became one

Since I grew up with out a mom you might assume
p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y
I was looking for a mother figure
but that wasn't it at all
It was she was so strong and she made me feel
s a f e and p r o t e c t e d
It was the first time somebody ever saw the real me
the me that nobody else knew.

People think it's all about misery and desperation and
d e a t h
What they forget is that pleasure of it
Take for example the best orgasm you've ever had
multiply it by a thousand and you still aren't even close.
After all, I'm not stupid...
At least not that stupid!
I'm a quiet, sensitive type
-but-
if you're prepared to take a chance
you might just get to know the inner me;
Witty
adventurous
passionate
loving
loyal
a little bit crazy
a little bit bad

Personality
I mean that's what counts right?
Personality
That's what keeps a relationship going
through the years
Like heroin
I mean heroin has great personality
When you're on junk you only have one worry
s c o r i n g
and when you're off it you're suddenly obliged
to worry about all sorts of other shit.

Got no money, can't get drunk
Got money, drinking too much
And all the other things that really don't matter
when you're on a sincere and truthful junk habit

And the reasons...
Well there are no reason...
Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

I guess that I thought about everything that
had happened and then I thought about everything
that had happened the night before and the
week before and a
year before that and the only thing
that was so different was there was something
else making me feel like shit.

Life just visits you
but death
It'll take you home...
Death never lies
it'll never leave you
Death is an unending profanity

______________________________

As you guessed, I am neither a lesbian or a
heroin junkie but I knew a beautiful girl who was
and this poem is dedicated to her memory..

- Antony

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