I’m not quite Alice
She tumbled down the rabbit hole
Found herself in a land
Where eating one thing
Made her big
Eating another
Made her small

My mood shifts
Much like her size
Up and down
Eat this
Eat that

Dreary dark depression
Overwhelming tidal waves
Of sinking sadness
Silence as I fall
When I hit the bottom
Echoes
Of loneliness

Then colours!
Light!
Bright and shiny!
So exciting!
A disco ball of scattered thoughts!
So happy!
So exciting!

Then down again
Back to my deep pit of darkness

Once I’ve hit rock bottom
The only way I can go is up
But why bother
When I know I’ll just come
Tumbling down again?

- - -

“I’m writing this suicide note
At the peak of my happiness
Nothing can get better than this
The only place I can go from here is

D
O
W
N
|
\/

So good-bye world”

- - -

Life offers two things:
Pain and pleasure
Guarantees
But one:
Death

Death is the only absolute
And the only completely consistent people
Are the dead

But why not take what I should have?
I’ll end up
Rotting in the ground
No matter how I play my cards
Cheat
Win
Take something out of life
That wasn’t promised
But is now essential

I can fall
But I know I’m going to fall
No matter what I do
Rock bottom can prove itself quite cushiony
When I start sinking into deeper layers

Illusions?
What if pain is just an illusion?
What if all feeling is an illusion?
Illusion or not it’s real enough
To satisfy my skeptical acceptance

#64

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