People find me fascinating
People like how I'm like
No one else
And I embrace the differences
But yet I maintain
My own
Alone
I don't depend
On other people
I live a life
Of acceptance
And
Don't bother
Asking
Questions
Unless I need to
I'm special
They say
I don't spend
My time
With people
My own age
Because I feel
That I've not much
In common with them
And I spend
My time learning
Among people much
Older, wiser
More experienced
Yet still
Even they often
Look up to me
And people say
I'm bright
Well, yes
I suppose I might
Be somewhat sharper
Than the average sword
But then they
Say I'm talented
Musically
And I suppose
That my voice isn't
Half bad
But there's so many
Out there
Who are
Better
And then they
Point out
That I'm
Oh so diplomatic
But that's nature
I'm just
Like that
Can't they see?
And next it's
That I'm
Oh so
Pretty
Easy on the
Eyes
Or cute
Or some other
Synonym
Of attractiveness
Okay
So my hair is rich
And bright
And my eyes are
Big and catching
And my smile
Is subtle
And rare
But reassuring
And my build is slender
Does that
Matter?
Don't they
Know that every
Day is hard
To wake up and
Know that people
Are expecting
Me to be
Interesting
Or
To add intelligent
Conversation
To a debate
When I'd
Rather just
Sit and watch the
Rest of you
Talk and laugh?
For I still feel
Outside of your world
Because no one
Understands
What it's like on the
Inside
Here I am
Perhaps a little
Scared
But I don't tend
To show it
And in social
Situations
People want to
Show me off
Because of how I
Dress or how I talk
So intriguing
Yes
But your eyes
They
Watch me
Expecting me
To do my trick
Jumping
Through the hoops
That you've placed
So carefully
To speak
On command
And then
You introduce me
To people
Pointing out the guys
That are bright and funny
That you think I'd
Get along with
But they live in a very
Different world
And they don't
Shake inside
When people talk to them
Like me
It's not that
I don't enjoy
Confrontation
I actually
Do like
To have a
Heated debate
Where
I must make
My point
But I do
Hate it ever so
Much
When people
Expect me to answer
And to add to conversation
When honestly
The conversation
Couldn't interest me any less
For you can talk all you'd like
But when you expect
Me to answer
Watching
Waiting
I get nervous
Cause I really
Don't like to talk
Making small talk
Doesn't appeal to me
It's just another
Thing
I'm not comfortable with
I'd really rather
Not pretend
That there's a point
To the mindless babble
Sometimes I
Don't mind
Pointless conversation
But only if
Everyone realizes
It's pointless
Then again
Pointless conversation
Is only for those
Who won't judge me
On my topic
Or my ideas
Or how much I choose
To add to the conversation
Like my best friends
We can talk for hours
About nothing
But I know
That it's just fun
It's not them
Trying to figure me out
But still
I'm more than
Just a
Socially inept
Teenager
With a mind
That's much too advanced
Who is pretty
And talented as well
For I'm also
Just a person
Who wishes there was
Someone like her
Who understood these
Feelings
That she can't express
In words
Who realizes that
There is more
To me than me
But a spiritual
Self that I often don't
Disclose to those
I feel I
Do not trust
I love
To just sit
Quietly and watch
The world
Surrounding me
Just move
And live
And thrive
And grow
As long as I
Am not expected to
Participate
But no one
I know
Really seems to feel
The way I do
About it all
And so I'm often
Frustrated
Cause I wish
For something
Someone
To just
Understand
And if they don't
Really feel
Exactly how I do
They can understand
It anyway
But alas
There's no one like me
No one quite as
Fucked up as me
No one who
Has found inner peace
Just like me
No one who is lacking
Just one thing
And that's
The understanding
Unconditional
Devoted
Yet independant
Love
That I seek
People
Think that
I'm happy
And I guess I am
They know
That I don't really
Like people
So I guess that's good
But sometimes
What they don't realize
Is that it's
Really rather
Lonely being me

#42

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