Dreaming of the future
in a present tense
wakes me crying screaming
pleading for the end

and I can't sleep when my heart beats
races pounds like this

twenty nine cigarettes
three Vicodin
half a bottle of NyQuil
weren't enough to let me rest
because

she is draining
drains faster than
my sink - clogged because I can't afford a plumber
on my near minimum wage job
40 hours a week
or my non-paying involuntary "care-giver" obligation - I watch her die
30 hours a week

adds up to 70 hours I can't be
with him as he slips through my fingers
guided by my pushing
and I'm losing him
and she's losing herself

and I'm just lost
because I'm afraid to go back to sleep.

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