This continues on from my earlier journal entry, so please read that one too, to get the jist of whats going on.

My gut is churning
the butterflies are out in full force, flapping their way from the bottom to the top, communicating with my head, hiding when its not about her.
My nerves Are weak and timid
I was talking to her and she asked me what I was doing this weekend, i said nothing.
She asked if I would like to go out with her and some others to the pub. I said yes, in a maybe kind of way.
My self criticism in its flesh.
Comes with any situation where im put into an environment I am not in control of.

I have mixed feelings about, what I am doing. I have liked her ever sonce I layed eyes on her, I did the whole im in a band routine, and showed off my talent. But I don’t like my chances of actually getting somewhere with this.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, so when I get shut down….i get shut down hard, and it always allows my bitterness to arise, and old memories of past lovers to form and the feelings of the deepest dread to form leaving me sleepless, and in a state of confusion.

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