**Officially the most embarrassing thing I've ever written. Sing this to the tune of "Bathwater" by No Doubt off of Return of Saturn. Contest entry. I swear. More directly, this is a parody.

verse

You.
Keep me from milk and butter
Unless you feel destined
To get yourself in trouble
The still air is threatened by my own emissions

And - now
My stomach feels heavy
A trumpet rendition suits my condition
I need to release but
Which end is in question

chorus
And I need to wash
After every dish of pasta
Come to think, honestly
I really don't wanna
I can't help it
I love my own brand

verse
This feeling unwanted
I frighten off children
And dont get me started
On the women I have dated
My colon's been dubbed a
Weapon of mass destruction
 
Suppose I am lucky
My body doesn't potty
But that doesnt mean
That I'm popular at parties
Pepto can't contain me
So there's no use in trying

chorus
I still can't believe that
I drank the bad water
Now there's a stink that
Bubbles from my bottom
I can't help it
Get out while you can

And I need to wash
After every dish of pasta
Come to think of it, honestly
I don't wanna
I can't help it
I love my own braaaaaand

Yeeee--eeee---eeee!

Why do the good foods
Always give such bad...

I can't help it.

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