for my daughter
on her first mother's day

these are the things
you taught me
about being a mother

you taught me
what poignant really feels like
when i held you for the very first time

you taught me
that i could actually survive without sleep
for a full year

you taught me
that babies are not as fragile as i thought
when you ate the dead fly and survived

you taught me
how to see the world with brand new eyes again
every time we went for a walk

you taught me
what fear really feels like
the day i couldn't find you at the park

you taught me
that even a 4 year old can break your heart
when you're pregnant again and they ask "do you have enough love in your heart for two babies, mommy?"

you taught me
that i didn't have the right
to always stop you from making mistakes

you taught me
that i would say things my mother said and i swore i wouldn't
like, "because i said so, that's why"

you taught me
how to really practice acceptance
when you started hanging out with the kid with the blue mohawk

you taught me
to teach you that it's not okay for men to hit women
when we left your abusive father

you taught me
how to forgive myself
when you forgave me for not leaving him sooner

you taught me
that the sound of your laughter
means it was all worthwhile

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