they know me so well! I have to say firstly, the whole 'verbiage' thing is possibly true, but it's not here, there's nothing boring about this poem...there's nothing wrong with exercising imagination. If you did use a thesaurus - so what?! If only one thing it shows you care enough about language to use some words differently, and I'm not having a pop at Cloud (Bella Butchery) for his comment, I'm making a defence for this 'type' of writing ooposed to all the crappy, banal lame hackeneyd unimaginative shit that gets dossed out into public because people are too afraid to be original, to use words that are different or striking etc....oops - poem rage as opposed to road! Heh....anyway, what I want to do is praise you for being you and your words are ...they are punishing, exciting and clearly well constructed with meaning and effect. Never change unless you want too; yep a rose is still a rose, but life and the eye are deceptive. Imagination is a powerful tool, and you chiselled away perfectly here. Fuckin A+...

"a rose is still a rose"..Slag! :P

plus you can see you had an effect just by the people that took the time to not only read your work but let you know what they thought! Which for some here doesn't happen always too often...you would easily go on my favs were the credits available....but be patient and in time your quality will tell....excellent stirring, ORIGINAL work....thank fuck for that! :P

egads; this nonpariel and surreal with some blunt force trauma added to it. ..a blacklit piece; very nice. ness [and yes to the 'Hatter' liking this piece; i concur as well]

Erudite and compelling; this was an engulfing and quietly powerful piece that I much enjoyed immersing in. And the title/title line is particularly striking.

Thanks for the kind words! The title line was the line that first came to me, hence i wrote the piece around it so i guess it makes sense that its the strongest.

i adored the ending in the light of the words above it, it felt movielike, yet so vibrant and at the source of itself, as if it were something chiselled out of the earths centre

Your comments might as well be poems for all their eloquence. I appreciate them!

loved.

either a thesaurus or an education helped you write this... either way, your time here will be interesting. i dig it... but be carefull when adding so much verbage / descriptive language, in my opinion, it can make a piece corny and uninteresting.

I once had an advanced lit/comp teacher who gave me a B+ instead of an A on a fiction piece and told me a rose is still a rose no matter how many adjectives you use to describe it. Guilty as charged lol.

Colin (Magic Hatter) would love this piece :) Me likie too. -Carl

Oh, and Welcome To DP!

ah, that's sharp. good one. -END

very good, although I am half asleep, I felt I must comment, sorry that the quality of the comment is very poor, bitch about it and I'll write you a new one, promise.

This was very well written. I see a lot of skill here, and because of this, I bid you a very warm welcome to DP. -Trigger