Dark Poetry - Proudly Publishing Poems Prose And People's Priceless Poetry
"The Faerie that Sang of Sin" by Wolfaerie

Dark Poetry Home

Log In

Random Poetry


I need some criticisms on this. I want to improve it. :)





She lay dormant
On a floor of stone
Curled within herself
Singing in breathy tongues unknown

“ We are so small, so very small”
Quoth she

“Dust among Rain
 Ashes to Flame
Nothing at all…”

Her Brackish eyes
Kissed the pedals
Of a torn Daisy
Ruby stains
Adorned
Her finger tips
Like the cracked red frostbite on her lips
And the crimson trails on her hips

Her body was bare, and bloodied
But her wings were perfect like venom
And violet as still dusk
Curved gracefully, with shadows as pink as lust

She turned on her back
Pedals of assassinated flowers framing her figure
She inhaled hundreds of scents
And stared at her fingers
Singing, “ Ice and needles remember the days, when fragile winters loved to play. Boys play with guns and girls get none, now winter is told she can’t stay.”

Her laughter pierced the winds
Evoking chuckles from the trees
Her twilight hair, dancing in the breeze
Oh, but singing is a sin
Forbidden by the Fossil men

One draped in robes of white
Rode the winds to silence the Sprite
He slammed his staff on the floor of stone
“ Must we engrave your wings as well?
Your tongue is tainted with the harps of Hell!”

The tiny sprite tilted her fragile face
Snorting in laughter
“ Your stick is smaller than my lady wings!”

He throbbed, enraged
“ You will only sing to the Sun. You will be silent in the night! Lest you be caged again…”

She wrinkled her nose
“ Your Sun reeks of mundane ritual, now go jerk off in praise of your fossil you stupid pig head apostle!”

His staff met her face, yet she still sang in spite
“They swing their staffs in praise, cause the fossil preaches barren faith.”

His fist meets her lips, which breathe, “ The stars are bleeding for a kiss.”

Then a howl broke the mist
A wolf of raven hues stripped the priest of his robes
Then clawed his body
As she rose
“ Unlike your Sun, he comes when called.”
She rode the winds into the night
Singing with the wolves
In rebellious flight

The broken apostle was left curled on the floor of stone
Awaiting his fossil to free him from the sting of the cold

After all, it was foretold.




Copying this work to another webpage without author permission is plagiarism.
Plagiarism is a misdemeanor, usually punishable by fines of $100-$50000 and up to one year in jail.




If you [Log In] as a member you can discuss this work with others

On Friday January 18th, 2008, fallen (287) writes:
I was rooting for the faerie the whole time. LOL! Fossils are over rated and wolves rock! This was really fun to read.


On Thursday January 17th, 2008, RubyXero (489) writes:
i liked it. especially the wolf clawing and stripping part. :) very nice


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, An Expired Member (8) writes:
Nice imagery...but to be honest, I sort of lost interest mid poem.


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Narcissa (724) writes:
I really liked this piece - It is difficult for me to critize something this good - And to me it is up to the writer to know if the piece needs to be changed and/or improved. (Sorry im no help)


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Wolfaerie (105) writes:
I appreciate your comment. I know it needs to be changed and improved, I just want new eyes and new perspectives.


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
I really think your eyes cannot be improved.


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Narcissa (724) writes:
Siren - is that you? well sorry about the misc comments on your piece - but you will love Ainsofs suggestion/comments I find them helpful:)


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Wolfaerie (105) writes:
I don't mind at all lol. But yes it's me, I wanted a new sn :). And yes I do find them helpful.


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
*kicks the ground sheepishly* aw shucks... you're too kind Narcissa--thanks! and yeah, sorry about the lil side dialogue here... oops *winks*


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
angels wear fur coats


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Narcissa (724) writes:
yep - dont tell PETA


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
well peta and I hardly type anymore... ever since I said I like my fur trimmed... I think she may have taken that the right way...


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
I wish I could help ya, but I really don't know what it is that you seek to do. I found the tale to be a fun narrative, employing several literary tropes and offering a number of symbols for interpretation... maybe the sinfulness could be more thematic? Dunno, I may be reading it from a place you don't intend me to be. The language could be made more arcane, which might produce more of a parable sound... something more epic, universal and sombre... the exchange between the two seems more playful than epic in tone, but that may be me... and/or you may intend it to be. So much to discuss on a beaten keyboard


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Wolfaerie (105) writes:
You were very helpful actually. I do want a bit more a parable sound, and I do think the theme of sin should be more developed. Thank you for your input :)


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
I was just re reading... and a thought occurred to me as I was thinking about the winter, the cold and its relation to the fossil and the sprite... dunno, but I'm liking (as always) the hint of the erotic in her description... but that leaves me wondering about her frostbitten lips... her close association with the winter, with the cold, which kinda killed the suggestiveness of the earlier lustiness ... but I think it would have a greater impact on the audience with more of a middle English diction. Thanks for the read... much to consider!


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Wolfaerie (105) writes:
The Fae's frostbitten lips reflect her over-indulgence in the Cold. She is obsessed with it. She is mad with it. Her songs are supposed to sound strange ( but have meaning). You have given me some ideas about elaborating on her lust for the cold and well as tweaking the diction. This will need some work :)


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
woot! diction tweaking! When you're done tweaking here, feel free to tweak my diction any day ;)~


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Wolfaerie (105) writes:
Ahaha clever ;)


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, Ainsof (1731) writes:
But I like the symbolism... this smacks of allegory, and it is hard to blend dialogue into a poem and you've done so well. Nice work, keep it up!


On Tuesday January 8th, 2008, An Expired Member (2) writes:
Wow, excellent! I barely have words to describe the complex, dark beauty. *claps* -Stryfe



Navigation for Text Browsers
Things to Read  Home  Copyright Policy  Bugs


Owned and operated by GeniusWeb.com LLC


© 1996-2008 Matthew Steven
You must agree to our terms of service in order to to access this site

Need help? Reach us on the poetry site resource page.



Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/16835/105568 on Sunday July 06th, 2008 10:48 AM

Certain elements © 1996-2008 Matthew Steven (matts.org)