I've been told I was stupid
one too many times to just ignore it
And those "advanced placement" classes
don't mean anything in your eyes
because you're always one class higher


I've been the fun
of too many dysfunctional fat jokes
and it leaves me wanting to starve
myself of food
the way you starve me of attention


I've been called ugly
more times than I can count
And I'm sorry it took so long to sink in
I'm sorry it took so much effort for you to break me
(I got too used to being broken)


The stress had been getting to me
All those advanced classes
were far too much for my simple mind
All the fat jokes
slowly dismantling the 108pound wall
I'd built around myself.


(And just so you know, I didn't built that wall
to keep you out
   I built that wall, to keep me in)


I've been told I was a label
Emo. Goth. Poseur.
with bleeding wrists screaming.
And me,
  left wishing on absent stars
offering a stupid, empty prayer

"I've never been smart
I've never felt intelligent
and no one has ever bothered to try to understand
I've never been beautiful
No guy has ever lusted over me
or wanted to love me
Because I was always too broken to be played with
I guess what I'm trying to ask is:
God, why didn't you throw these blueprints out
when you knew the final product would be so imperfect?"

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