As a middle school girl
She realized that hate was a powerful thing
And did everything she could
To train herself to not get angry

Completely drowning the emotion
In heavy metal lullabies
To keep the inner bitch at bay
She was convinced she had to cut it out of her

As a patient of a therapist
She forced her secrets out through the slits in her skin
And she realized love could keep her alive
If someone could learn to love a monster like her

In the confines of doctor-patient confidentiality
She told her that she thought of suicide often
And she learned that there’s no happily ever after
Even for people whose lives seemed perfect

As a shy girl in high school
(who hadn’t planned on living past fourteen)
She worked her ass off in her classes
For half the year.. but then she didn’t care anymore
And blew off her classes to hang out with friends

She learned that homework didn’t do itself
And scribbling answers on the desk
Seconds before a test
Didn’t always guarantee she’d pass

As a happy-enough teenager
She realized she couldn’t control the emotions
And began to get scared
Because she was upset without reason
 
And as a scared, sleep-deprived young lady
She faced the fears of being manic-depressive
She welcomed the creativity that came with the highs
And dreaded the angry boredom that came next
But decided she could handle it without medication

She thinks her decision could be a risk
I’ll let you know if she survives

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