DarkPoetry -|- Narcissa -|- A.muse

A.muse

He spun addiction from passion
Composing poetic lines and metaphoric colors
He molded an image from the lyrical whispers of his crippled mind
A voice tuned from piano keys spoke inside his inebriated madness...
"I'm only pretty on paper"

With the warning ignored
He sculpted an angel of bone china ivory
With wings as red as Hell itself
And the stare of artic isolation
perpetually posed
reaching for stars
that never existed

...he awoke sober clutching the doll
Hysterically laughing at the product of his insanity
He snapped her neck and yet he could still
hear her
"Thank you for finding me a.mus(ing)
I told you Im only pretty on paper"

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Comments on A.muse

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On Tuesday March 11th, 2008, Unforgotten (164) writes:

I'm only pretty on paper. I'll take that line with me

On Wednesday March 5th, 2008, MGood (79) writes:

SMILES! ~M

On Tuesday March 4th, 2008, Ainsof (1747) writes:

when a pun becomes more than a pun... I like the second and third stanzas especially, they seem to express rather than tell. I were to suggest anything, I would consider carrying the metaphoric means of expression that occurs in those stanzas back into the first, which now, to me, kinda reads like an introduction, placing a setting of sorts, maybe providing a point for articulating the theme that develops after. And then.. what can we make of the doll... is it a muse, is it the passion of artistic inspiration? I think it develops as a symbol quite nicely, but I wonder if the meaning imbued couldn't be increased somehow...something outside the make believe.

On Tuesday March 4th, 2008, Rebell tiGer King (647) writes:

Damn! this is killer, i love the language, vivid imagery, excellent write -symph-

On Sunday March 2nd, 2008, Sketso (502) writes:

...he awoke... *snap* Wow, actually sent a chill down my spine. I agree with the Hatter in the fact that I too stumbled over the 'red as Hell itself', almost as if a ceramic splinter of cliche had gotten stuck in my thumb. Of course, coming from me, that's nothing. I'm stuck in cliche.

On Sunday March 2nd, 2008, Narcissa (725) writes:

Im still "molding" this piece...Im not too happy with it but I enjoy the concept. I will dispose of that line in the "polished" version. Thank you both for alerting me... "ceramic splinters of cliche...":) you are a gifted poet my friend

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, Magic Hatter (2379) writes:

quite the macabre ride...the only part that really disagreed with me was the "red as Hell itself" just a touch unoriginal, however...! I really like the sinister doll-eyed feel of this, like I was being watched. Vivid and spooky, the language throughout is appropriate and absorbing. I like how you're mind is operating of late; keep it up I'd say, you're on a good roll....quality poem once more, befitting of "Dark" poetry....eyep!

On Sunday March 2nd, 2008, Narcissa (725) writes:

Thank you. I always appreciate your comments... Im not satisfied with the piece yet...its still a work in progress and I will take your suggestion in the final piece. Thanks again

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, heartdripsblack (769) writes:

beautiful and wonderfull. ~ hdb.

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, skully (32) writes:

Boss (means good). Loved the hook

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, TheUltimateOutlaw (37) writes:

That was pretty much gorgeous. Great opening line too

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, Mylissa (1130) writes:

stunning. I love the factual smile of a muse. Lovely.

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, Echoes of Orpheus (378) writes:

"spoke inside his inebriated madness" Love it, the whole piece is wonderful. Well written. *salutes*

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, the-rapist (361) writes:

the first line is great

On Saturday March 1st, 2008, Dancing_Monkey (1862) writes:

Gave me the goosebumbs . killer piece. Thank you for posting

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