Pushbloods unknown thoughts 1999-2002


This is my writing style from 2000-2002. I did not want to post these individual. This will take some time. If you have the patience I thank you. The grammar is still horrible.


RICH!
 
Fantasy and shame,

I could not have scripted it any better

 Flavorless harmony

 Compelled with an interest of fury and remorse

 Dismemberment of the soul

 The old silver spoon

FFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Sell me short

 Utter those words

 ( _ ¬____ ___)

 Jade my remains.

 Forgo the passion.

 Heavenly blood.

 Father of the grave.

Forgive my rotten mind

 The testimony from above

 Cradle the child

Save her eyes

Cradle the child

 Save her eyes

Cradle the child

 Save her eyes!!

 The shelter will hold!!





 
JADED MACHINE
 
  Blind to the surface.

 Enriched by thoughts of the unknown.

 Why must we suffer??

 You take the blind side of faith,

 Add with insecurities of my guilty mind.

 Reality will take its toll.

 I've swallowed my pride too long.

 Sing me a song.

 Make life real.

 Dreams die.

 Then reappear............

 My tears will be shed for less deserving.
 
 All created equal.

 Why then are we judged???









SELECTION

Turn it off.

Just leave me be.

Alone with my body.

Free from consequences.

Alone and Numb.

Cold needles pierce the skin.

Fear!

A molded mess of uncertainties.

Creatures from a far howl in my pain.

Did you have to take it this far?

Shattered glass.

A thread of sanity hangs dim.

Gone!

Rebuild the mind.

Escape to a time less desired.

I'm tired!




 
CRESENT CUTTER
 
Determined to fight the odds,
 The magical aura of this spell bounded life.
 
The sweet, undaunted trace of failure,
 The false reality has stopped.
 
But the taste, and the want still remain.
 
Time from a boy to a man,
 The transition is so slow.
 
But fight the odds is all I want to taste, all I need to feel.
 
Pity and hate I can leave behind.
 
A Broken heart does heel.
 
A slow afflictive misery,
To young to die,
Too old to quit.





 
SEASONS OF THE DAY
 
The decaying old tree.
 
Forever young.
 
The untraceable sea.
 
But you can taste the salt.
 
A beautiful day.
 
But it rains all the time.
 
Can we seek when there is nothing to find?
 
Blood shed and screams.
 
But a love that can never be killed.
 
Dumb as an ox.
 
Smarter than a cow.
 
Touching, Tasting, Felling why do I remain.
 
Where is my power to change the day?








 
BLUE!
 
They come, and they cry.
 
A shoulder till the missing pieces subsides.
 
A demon or an act?
 
One big game in the thought that I have more than you need.
 
When the tainted being, interacts with the soul with a cause.
 
The tides will shift.
 
Volcanoes will burst!
 
A calm breeze will set.
 
And heaven will be in my world.






 
PLACED!!
 
I won't hold back,
 
No longer.

No more.

So much to give.

Not enough to receive.

The fire burns deep.

Seeking and Striving.
 
 My rejuvenated blood,

Will show no signs of weakness.

As I sit here and wonder.

The new seeds of change,

Have been planted, placed.

No lies will make me less.

Surrender your bleeding heart to me.






 
ONE FOR THE ROAD!!
 
 
One for the road.

 Tickle and laugh.

 Don't stop, not yet.

 Being alive is to be young in thought.

 The day's we stared eye to eye.

 Silent.

 No words were spoken.

 But many thoughts expressed.

 A smile a stair.

 Heaven was put in place...




 
BLAH!!!

Summon the ones,

Drained and cold

Summon the fearless, & the dark

Diminish the light of the heart

Caress the mind in all its in perfections





 
WASTE
 
Associating the bad with the good.
 
A member of the human race played god.
 
 A good man goes down.

 Tortured by thoughts.
 
Salvation is not even close.

 An unfulfilled life was taken.

 Too Young Way too young.

 How can I play?

 Why don't these thoughts just stop?

 A friend for so long and all I can think of is 1 day.

 It's been 5 years sense that day, and yet the demons won’t let this one go.

 Friends for 8 years.

 Still I hold the death on my head, it ways deep on my shoulders.




 
 
DREAM LOVER PART 1

 Throw our bodies into one another.

 Passion and Sweat.

 Endless deep wet kisses, that brings love and heaven together.

 The beauty within that ties a dream and reality to be.

 Realizing that as short as life is,

 The chains that bound us to our own hell will be broken by one touch.
 

 The vision of you brings tears to my eyes.

 Soon my dear the sunrise will have no end...





 
DREAM LOVER PART 2
 
You’re in my mind and in my dreams.
 
Do you really exist?
 
 A real thought, or just self-made torture?

 Believing this perfect woman will walk into my life.

Innocent eyes of purity and lust.

   My dreams keep me sane.

 Yet I'm being pulled apart.

 I want her now!!

For tomorrow my never come.

This woman has too much that a simple mind is pure boredom.

 Complex in ways that let each day bring brand new life.

Your eyes will bind the ties between this dream and our reality.





 
NOT ME!!!
 
Beauty in the issues of life.
 
Betrayed by the elements of love.
 
Clinging on to that boy I once loved.
 
Stronger than all.
 
What happened?
 
Torched by my own self-pity.
 
Hate kept me alive.
 



 
TOO FAR TOO FAST
 
To fight with gods.
 
To kill a portion of your body.
 
Slumber in the pity of a man created god.
 
Dyeing inside too far too fast.
 
Justify morning, gasp of fresh air.
 
Intelligence too far to fast.
 
You’re my worst nightmare.
 
The demon seeks the soul till the heart destroys the mind.
 




 
TRINITY
 
The season’s change with disperse and desire.
 
Why I cry?
 
Because I'm here.
 
Floating and pondering what might be.
 
Why I long to be hurt?
 
The write thing!
 
I just know the wrong.
 
The wholly trinity in which the guinea pool is enough.
 
I'm hungry for things I can't have.
 
I push and strive yet I find my self eternally floating.........





 
TREAD THE WAIT
 
The eyes tell no lies.
 
When you cradle me, I feel no pain.
 
Sunrays flow trough me.
 
Crashing waves in the moonlight.
 
Cold brisk wind.
 
Still but cold.
 
Eyes of innocents and beauty.
 
Cry, & Bleed.
 
Wait look at me and smile.
 
Tread the wait.
 
It's not that heavy.
 
But when I sweat the pain won't go.
 
Eyes those poor eyes.
 
When you see have you really seen.
 
Do you know what it's like to look, and look and never really see?
 
 




PLAY.
 
Strange things for love.
 
But it's all right.
 
I want to be up too see the sunrise.
 
I walk the night, to fight my thoughts.
 
The animals of darkness.
 
Play without remorse.
 
Searching for prey.
 
Who will be my next victim?
 
Why must I slay?





 
TRI.
 
 
I can no longer be alone.
 
I've stopped looking.
 
I can't take what I get.
 
Even if the most beautiful, sweat innocent lady falls in my lap.
 
I learned too much.
 
I just want to be that naive little boy I was.
 
 
I changed my appearance to forget who I am.
 
No skills but a little brain.
 
Throw my heart away.
 
She will find a new one today.
 
No love can practice my fate, or take this pain away.
 
Peace is close, Serenity is soon to fallow.
 
Just then maybe my faith in true love will come back.







 
Lipson Brain.
 
Love is for real.
 
I've seen it once.
The rush is unbelievable. The ones those are lucky to find love.
 
I curse, and dam.
 
Just because I'm bitter.
 
I need to be there for them.
 
Not Hate!
 
Find love in myself.
 
Just then maybe I will find what I'm looking for.
 
SECATERY
 
Hey smile!
 
It's been to long.
 
You know she never brings you down.
 
That pure heart of stone.
 
How long will it be till I see you again?
 
Those innocent thoughts.
 
Turned to a bloody fate.
 
Insanity drives the beast.
 
Tender in thought, rough in flesh.
 
Condemned to the creeping wondering mind.







 
LIFE WILL REMAIN
 
We pray and we cry.
 
We hope for the best, and yet still the worst comes to mind.
 
I can fight and scream, rant and rave but yet who's to say.
 
So young and learning her ways.
 
Hoping she fights for another day.
 
The battle is not over it has just begun.
 
Soon we know.






 
EWWE!!!!!!!
 
Strange days.
 
The selling point.
 
The demeanor of right and wrong.
 
Perusing.
 
Smell the intent.
 
Crossing Fly to fly.
 
Lingering sent of sanity.
 
Pleading.
 
Never letting go.
 
Something needed to change.
 
Happy thoughts.
 
Turned into misery.
 
Lovely bleeding passing day.
 
Good Vibes Bad Vibes.
 
EEWWE!!!!!!!!

 







HA!
 
From inside where she hides.
 
Endless thoughts fill my mind.
 
Crippled to the plague with in.
 
Side of me.
Side of me.
Side of me.
 
I cry to the gods with empty hearts.
 
I find my self without a place to start.
 
I've tried to survive this bitter hell.
 
But the chains are locked and the cells are worn.
 
Tear me down to my bitter self.
 
At least give me a hole where I can dwell.
 
Lost my sole now I'm a shell.
 
Fuck you all!!!!
 
I'll see you in HELL!!!!
 
 











FIGHT LIFE
 
What to do?
 
What to say?
 
My eyes may stray.
 
Slip through the cracks,
 
I find my way.
 
Phantom the thought of lost and found.
 
Grave of the unfortunate.
 
Bitter friend of the end.
 
I cannot escape my day
 
When the end is near and I have found my way.
 
 











WEIGHT

It's all right to dream,

Peace with in my self,

I cradled the fear too long.

A slave of my own intentions.

Developing a soul savior.

Demons of mind,

Fall plague to the wall.
 
THE DAY TIME STOPED
 
Nothing mattered but you.
 
Slow and confused.
 
Pondering bad thoughts.
 
A warm wet kiss.
 
Will you surrender to the fate?
 
Was this decided long ago?
 
Piss on the rules.
 
I'm who I became.
 
The steps I've taken.
 
I saw heaven in eyes.
 
Not innocent but pure, true.
 
Take time but you can’t.
 
I've wanted this for so long.
 













SURGEON
 
Forgive me.
 
The mind is my beast.
 
My sole drives for complete peace.
 
I am my best friend and my worst enemy.
 
I slave for people I don't even know.
 
I cry in self-pity.
 
Why have I become so heartless, and weak?
 
I found some thing.
 
Some light in my darken tunnel.
 
Serenity?
 
Maybe.
 
Peace?
 
Not sure.
 
I know this.
 
I bleed no more...
 









M!
 
My thoughts run ramped.
 
Stuck with indecision of right and wrong.
 
The bad ass sticks out.
 
Stronger than all mentality.
 
I will walk threw you all.
 
Limb to Limb.
 
I will not be tortured any longer.
 
Slave in my pity.
 
To wrong to be write.
 
Helpless, Heartless, insensitive.
 
I will unleash and you will not be prepared.
 
GRAINS
 
I want to see it all.
 
Nothing drastic yet.
 
I am so content with the ocean at my feet.
 
I am human.
 
I have flesh and bone.
 
But I am a man made of pure heart.
 
The simple things in life make me smile.
 
The ocean is my inner peace.
 
Always has been.
 
Sand sliding through my fingertips.
 
For the past and the future to come I thank you.
 
Complex minds love simple things.
 
This life, our destine, our binding hearts.
 
Love me for my heart and the unthinkable pleasures will follow.
 











TROOPER
 
Anything is possible.
 
I'm a sappy romantic.
 
I'm searching for that perfect being.
 
Knowing that fait will work.
 
The peace from beauty my eyes stumbled a pone.
 
Nothing is better than this.
 
I'm alone because perfection is seeking me.
 
My heart is pure.
 
Pure as the sun disappears in to night.
 
 













FOR GET IT
 
You can walk in your beauty and might.
 
You gave me the world I wish I always had.
 
But three times is all it takes.
 
When enough is enough?
 
I've tried all I can try.
 
Now the hunt begins.
 
Thank you for leaving my heart.
 
The burses will heal.
 
The element of time begins.
 
When I have no end
 















DESIGN
 
My mind refuses to stray.
 
Dam it!
 
All I can do is dream of you.
 
I can't deal with this.
 
Perfection was right their,
 
Right at our fingertips.
 
It would be too easy to shut down.
 
I'm out of ideas.
 
The emptiness in my heart fluctuates.
 
You want the old same.
 
I must destroy this for good and for all.
 
No more threads no more strings.
 
I need you.
 
But you don't want the same.
 
Not from me.
 
I will fade like the shadows in to night.
 












MY PATH
 
A new day a bright leaf.
 
No more sadness.
 
I'm free.
 
Free from my self.
 
No demons left to tear me apart.
 
Expectance was tuff.
 
But I find myself back on my own two feet.
 
Right where I need to be.
 
It's not the place it's the mindset.
 
Will I be a great man?
 
Probably not.
 
But I will be a man.
 
To my grave my word is all I have.
 
May the wolves stay far?
 
The wounds have healed.
 
No sent of a fresh tainted heart.
 
Too tired to stay the same.
 













I.A.N
 
Say Goodbye.
 
To death of mind.
 
Slavery.
 
Humility.
 
What Fear?
 
What love?
 
The shield works wonders.
 
I'm free.
 
 I think.
 
My own demons came and went.
 
Now I'm stuck.
 
Heaven.
 
Hell.
 
All of the above.
 
I lost me.
 












PIPE TWIST
 
I'm not like you.
 
I'm not even sure if I can stand you!
 
Judge me if you must.
 
Sentence me for my crimes.
 
I'm not as innocent as I look.
 
Crazy for the impossible.
 
A warrior of the street.
 
Survival in being alone.
 
No shoulder.
 
No wounds.
 
Life's twists are my impossible missions.
 
Rain on me.
 
Bleed from above.
 
Change me again.
 
I could lose but I won't give you the satisfaction.
 
It's my time.
 
Feel my strength.
 








 
NO MORE
 
Misery and harmony.
 
I'm full of guilt.
 
But I'm not sure why.
 
I just feel so worthless.
 
I tried.
 
Forget it.
 
I give.
 
You win.
 
But remember I kept faith alive.
 
Just say goodbye.
 
My thoughts can't handle you any longer.
 









MYSTERY
 
Like the mess I knew before.
 
The stair, so dark, so misplaced.
 
"I am every ones fantasy."
 
Your lips rough, spoiled.
 
Why would I dream of a life with you.
 
NO!
 
Not today my dear.
 
You think you are perfect.
 
The faults you create.
 
The imperfections you seek in me.
 
I don't want you.
 
Take my blood with you.
 
You've darkened my soul.
 
Love or not.
 
I will never let you take my mystery.









 
COVE
 
A fresh start.
 
A new heart.
 
Afraid.
 
Yet maybe complete.
 
Thriving on perfection.
 
Spontaneous to those who know.
 
Not knowing when to bleed.
 
In the past were I have had to run and hide from reality.
 
I can’t hide something like this.
 
Always to good to be real.
 
Fantasy, Shame, Realness.
 
Complete in mind.
 
Suffering in fate.
 













SIMPLY FREE
 
Words cannot express my reasoning.
 
For the first time I am happy with out reason.
 
Conscience free.
 
A great joy of being free.
 
To die with a smile is on my mind.
 
Free...
 
T








TOPPING
 
 Changing leaves.
 
A column breeze.
 
The waves refreshing my numb body.
 
A smile on my face as I stair into the dark of the sea.
 
It bleeds from the sky.
 
Complete peace fills my mind.
 
Suffer no more.
 
Leave the world you new behind








 
PERFECT DECEPTION
 
I molded your body.
 
Not your soul.
 
I created your beautiful eyes.
 
Not the lack of passion in them.
 
Your cold touch.
 
I envisioned heat and love.
 
I smile when it rains.
 
You run for shelter.
 
Sinister Women!!!
 
Stay away!!
 
Showing me tears.
 
Bring me no anguish.
 
It's too late!
 
You wounded a previously broken heart.
 
No remorse.
 
No pity.
 
Slave for my undying word.
 
 
 







RUB JOB
 
Simple minds.
 
Limping hearts.
 
Shed the thought.
 
Deep in content.
 
Drift from the plague.
 
Counter the move.
 
Walls of innocents.
 
Walls of shame.
 
Hide my soul.
 
Dawn the pain.









 
CLUSTER
 
Coming back I am afraid.
 
What was can never be again.
 
I sit here and wait for time to go buy.
 
The minutes fly like wind.
 
But I still sit wondering why she's gone.
 
My heart torn by love and anger, pleads for forgiveness.
 
Coming back I am afraid.
 
What was can never be again.
 
The phone so silent.
 
Each breathes last so long.
 
Blinded by love.
 
Believing that dreams come true till their stolen.
 
Forgive me I meant no harm.
 
Love only comes once.
 
 




FOR YOU
 
My life has been defeated by the plague with in.
 
Lies and witnesses have stabbed my boundless striving heart.
 
Sorry but I'm unable forget the things you said and the nights I've cried.
 
I've bead all I can bleed for you.
 
Nothing will be the same now that you’re gone.
 
These times I'm filled with a faith.
 
HATE AND PAIN
 
I love allot of things.
 
But I don't know what I love most.









 
Hate or Pain.
 
Hate is part of me.
 
If there is ever anything I can trust that would be hate.
 
Most of my feelings are about hate, pain, and suffering.
 
Pain is just the greatest feelings in the world.
 
I love grabbing a knife and jamming it deep into my flesh.
 
Slicing real slow, so I can feel it all and watch the blood gush all over.
 
Self-conflicted pain is the fucken best.
 
So I know there was a reason for ripping my arm apart.
 
Never mind.
 
I love neither.
 
I will give it all up to take back my own life.
 











MOTION
 
Stuck alone.
 
With incredibly painful thoughts.
 
Beer in one hand.
 
A smoke in the other.
 
I was around but you let me down.
 
Now I'm stuck with my head in my hands.
 
I never thought I'd be alone.
 
But still I dream about tomorrow.
 












TEST
 
The turning tide.
 
The twisted fate.
 
Surrendered to things I cannot change.
 
For what it's worth,
 
I'm what I became because acceptance is not easy.
 
If I could change the past I would for life is not easy.
 
Bleeding and pleading.
 
Watching it all is washed away.
 
Cry for me.
 
I bury.
 



















Ho-ass.
I am man on my own.
To slumber in the pity that the female race has created.
Would be wrong.
Smile for one.
Hate to long to short to be right to be wrong having every thing but missing life for a fake smile.
Lunacy in the week am I week.
Do I have the strength to find better more deserving females to destroy me?
Cut me down to a lifeless pitiful broken old man.
Am I determined to go through this world alone?
Fight me beat me and take me for what I'm worth.
I have nothing so I am nothing.
Make the lonely nights stop.
Just give me that one that wants what I have to offer.
My offer to you is truth in the many thoughts of life.
I will not be the same not to you, not any one.
The creatures will understand.
All of them.
Nail the coffin I need not see any more.
 









JIMMY
I don't need you.
You could never give me what I needed.
From the beginning it was over to think the truth was better than the lie's
The mind just won't let go.
No place for my sole to rest. Just give me one good one.
All the barriers with my mind to flow free.
My friend no more.
I can’t shit you a way.
But I must try.
You were great but you brought me down to my bitter end.
I must complete my mind to seek for the thing I can't have.
That's what I Know.
Rage fills my mind you make feel no good.
No more.
This not for you.
You don't deserve this gift.
The gift of true un-daunting love.
Oh my dear you bit the built this time.
Free from you. I broke the chains.
Never again never again never again never again.
 













VOID!
 
The sounds of silence.
 
So cold and dark.
 
Bounded by the chains of hate.
 
Rooming mercifully for a sole to fill the void.
 
I cry too feel beauty within.
 
Taken control I’ve turned my sole into a boundless hell.
 
Searching and striving.
 
I feel no remorse.
 
The strange hold on the past.
 
The taste of blood so thick and warm.
 
I want to bleed the past away.
 
I cry to feel beauty within.
 
But the demons won't let go.
 
I've been replaced with a man so cold.
 
So dark.
 
No soul!
 
No heart!
 
I feel nothing at all.







 

GLORY FOR HIRE
 
To see the days go by.
 
To walk the noel in stride.
 
Seeking for untasteable taste.
 
In heart to find a thought.
 
With my remains in a bag.
 
It is self-will.
 
Changes of the matter at hand.
 
Unabated.
 
The shadows walk without cause.
 









SHUT DOWN

The innocent so weak, expecting happiness.

Little do they no.

Happiness is just a myth.

If you find it it's for a short period of time.

Nothing is built to last.

Or so they say.

And these day's I believe them.

Love another myth.

True love is complete bullshit!

Two equal parties seeking and striving for the same thing.

The mind changes so rapidly.

It’s better to shut down and feel nothing at all.










 
JUST FOR THE RECORD
 
Cry and die,
 
Piss and shit.
 
Twiddle for fun.
 
Crush that small helpless bug.
 
Torn between, monetary fortunes.
 
And Love in happiness.
 
FUCK IT!!!
 
HEARTS GAME
 
The game we play.
 
Hide the heart.
 
It's a funny game.
 
I take my heart put on the table, close my eyes.
 
I open my warm eyes to find both you and my heart disappeared.
 
Now I'm left with nothing.
 
Lost in the element of love.
 
With no sign of my heart returning.
 
A genital smile.
 
Don't run!
 
Just walk.
 
I will risk the potential of a great love for my friend.
 
I will have peace in rebuilding.












 
BITTER LOSS
 
Run and play.
 
6 or 16 no toxins to make you a man.
 
Life of a holy sole.
 
Surrender your last breath.
 
Forgiveness in the bitter loss.
 
The good will die long before the bad realizes it's dead.
 
My friend I could not help you.
 
The words you said to to me.
 
That unfortunate day burns in my mind.
 
The bitter loss has made me strong.
 
Strong in way's that not a sole but your own will understand.
 
I thank you for helping me find some of those peaces that complete my life.
 
For the good and the bad we have a bond.
 
Us Pat's have to stick together.
 
Even through the bitter loss.

 









GUILT DRIVEN
I am man on my own.
To slumber in the pity that the female race has created would be wrong.
Smile for one.
Hate to long to short to be right to be wrong having every thing but missing life for a fake smile.
Lunacy in the week.
Am I week?
Do I have the strength to find better more deserving females to destroy me?
Cut me down to a lifeless pitiful broken old man.
Am I determined to go through this world alone?
Fight me beat me and take me for what I'm worth.
I have nothing so I am nothing..
Make the lonely nights stop.
Just give me that one that wants what I have to offer.
My offer to you is truth in the many thoughts of life.
I will not be the same not to you, not any one .
The creatures will understand .
All of them .
Nail the coffin...
..... I need not see any more











TOO Many ??????????'S
 
Say Goodbye.
 
WHY?
 
Death of mind.
 
Because?
 
Slavery?
 
Humility?
 
What Fear?
 
What Love?
 
The shield........ Works Wonders?
 
I.... think????
 
I'm.......free?
 
My own demons came and went!!!!!!!!
 
Right!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Now......................... I'm stuck?
 
Heaven??????
 
Hell???????
 
What's left?
 
To young to die?
 
Lost intentions.
 
To old to quit?
 
Fighting My Sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!













SERVICE ME!~
 
Determined to fight the odds.
 
The magical aura of this spell bounded life.
 
The sweet, undaunted trace of failure.
 
The false reality has stopped.
 
But the taste, and the want still remain.
 
Time from a boy to a man.
 
The transition is so slow.
 
But fight the odds is all I want to taste, all I need to feel.
 
Pity and hate I can leave behind.
 
A Broken heart does heel.
 
A slow afflictive misery.
 
To young to die too old to quit.
 
 

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