it was my tongue that held
the poison. i didn't mean to
spat. and all you did
was let your fingers
cascade through my hair,
not saying a word.
i wondered what went
through your head because
i felt you shiver when i
pushed you away. yet,
you stayed like you knew
all along that i wanted you
to stay. you took the
bile that i spit and gave
me a smile that made me
want to hug you and
knock you over at the same
time.

i felt sorry for you. and i
cry at night in between
dreams. because
of all the things you could
hold close,
you're holding me
between your smiles
and sighs.

and it kills me.

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