it came to me in a vision...
only it didnt

ive finally admitted to myself
that i may never be
one of the great DP legends
like kittygrrl
or cre
or crazy_dave, who makes me smile
and i dont know
if ive accepted that as okay yet
because of my ego you see

and ive come to understand
that i shouldnt write because
i want to be famous here
but because
it makes me feel better
gets the hurt out
expresses my emotions
and all that jazz

and it started that way
and i wrote because
it helped
whatever random conflict i had
and i wrote because
it made me forget
how ugly i was
on the outside
and thank god
it reminded me
how im really kinda pretty
in here
"where it counts"

but then it
stopped

i still write
much as i can
but now
it doesnt stop it from hurting
when i look in the mirror
it only
doubles the ugliness
and spits out my clones
through the keyboard

and now
when everyone is leaving
im only just starting
to notice
that my spacing
has become more and more
like kittys
and slow.burn.stars art
that she pours
around her perfect words
is leaking
into a few of mine

and ive just realized
how much i wish
i had the ability to rhyme a poem
like
cre
and how everytime i write
my stream of unconciousness
wonders if dave will
approve

and as much as the
comment whores
make us all
want to explode
we all
still like
to get a kind word
about anything
because as much as we hate to
admit it
we're still smiling
when the email from the commentbot comes
because the little majigger from
men in black
has erased all the
memories
of nothing

and when i get so off subject
that i slip into
scifi movies
im proud of myself
for letting my mind
wander
away from every morning
when i look
in the mirror
and want to
b r e a k i t
because i just
cant stand
what i see

and i wonder
if ill ever be
as pretty to look at
as i am
to talk to

and dont you understand?
that this is why im
here
because even if they ask
i dont have to tell anyone
my age
and they never have to know
how much i hate my
reflection
or how much i
dont
cry
because its so childish
or how glad i am
to have made
one good friend
who never has to see me
to make me feel beautiful
every time
he says goodbye

and i love how much
the world ignores me
because the world
is a lie
and im here
and the world is
gone
and for once
im breathtaking
and for once
im worth more than a nickel
and for
once
i can say
that
the mirror
IS
broken.

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