~Why it Doesn't Matter in the Slightest Whether or Not You Think This is the Best Book for Me to be Reading Right Now~ (a parallel to ~Mother~ which has a much shorter title, and for that I applaud it greatly)
note: this is not about my mother.

~

here i am
here i am in this house at this non-party
because he graduated from high school this morning
in a two-hour ceremony at the coliseum
where asking that you hold your applause till the end is hopeless

so i came
and put the confetti on your table
i drank milk since im not allowed to have wine
you let me wear your hat because his was too big
i didnt like the dip

when my father played his guitar on the other side of the room
you came and sat next to me for a while
but then someone older caught your attention
and you went off to talk about something i "wouldnt understand"
i can accept that

sitting alone with no company but my father
playing his guitar on the other side of the room
there was nothing else to do

so i picked up bel canto
i got to the third page before anyone noticed me

it was you
it was you who coolly walked over
and sat down next to me once more
i waited for you to make some clever comment
about how i always have my nose in a book
i was ready to tell you i just liked to read
and put my nose back where it belonged
so /you/ would
and id get to read in peace
not like you were going to do anything interesting anyway

nevermind
no clever comment
just "i dont think this is the best book for you to be reading right now"
you took it out of my hands

i was in the middle of a sentence
all i said was "aw, but its good" and smiled
i pretended it wasnt a big deal
i made you believe it didnt bother me
that you think im not mature enough to read bel canto

what do you think i cant handle?
what do you think ill find
that i dont already know?
do you honestly consider me /that/ naive?

here i sit
alone and bored
and write half of this story

then we eat
and finally go home
and i finish it
but first i write the words "bel canto" on my chalkboard
to remind myself to read it over the summer

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