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"The Salted Snail" by Nuri

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Morning came again
Bringing with it the past’s confetti
Raining down and sticking
To damp skin

 

You were there before me
Arms outstretch in the sky’s rain
Your mind set in thick glass
An aquarium of pounding colours
You never shed a tear
Or spared a tuff of white
For the empty patch of sky
Above my head
Keeping me dry of rain
Drinking from splashed water
And dirty puddles

 

Of thundersongs
You drank deeply and unnecassarily
Robbing my insanity
As your mouth opens and closes
Bringing forth no words nor sound
Just intermittent clicks
Like those of an ever rotating hamster wheel
You tranced me into
an insane raindance
where I was too hopeful to stop and cry

 

He just watched, that far seeing boy
As I stand below blue emptiness
He only stared, clutching
A string attached to a mobile raincloud
His rheumy feelings were faint
As he stared and stared

I wish upon a bolt of lightning
So as might it would strike him
And recharge his cold heart

 

Night creeped and pounced
The young tree clutched
at the silhouette dress
of a fat moon
My story has to be left hanging
However intricate and over bearing
Like a snail shell
A swirling gigantus
On my back
So I can drag it along
Leaving deep tracks
Tempting other predators
Who hungered for pain
of this magnitude.



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If you [Log In] as a member you can discuss this work with others

On Saturday October 20th, 2007, Solace (1399) writes:
That far-seeing boy, brilliant, beyond magnitude - bombardment of thoughts and effortlessly evoked. A stunning jewel, with facets that require a light from every angle to show just how much it shines.


On Thursday August 16th, 2007, saintedmad (1178) writes:
i dont know how i missed this one of yours; but all the comments are true...you are just ridiculously good; the snail's pace. ...so allegorical....you see the divine in the mundane. ...egads~ness


On Saturday June 9th, 2007, An Expired Member (16) writes:
wow. great immagery and powerful emotions. the ending blew my mind.


On Monday March 12th, 2007, NapoleonsLust (24) writes:
i have read this before and i totally thought i commented. anyhoo i really enjoyed this. keep em coming. NL


On Thursday March 1st, 2007, Mab (967) writes:
*clapping* this was magnifique!


On Wednesday February 28th, 2007, jack paper (198) writes:
welcome to DP, where have you been!? this is quite good, I can't wait to read more...


On Sunday February 25th, 2007, blue (1707) writes:
Oh wow! *Welcome! Welcome indeed! ~b


On Thursday February 22nd, 2007, dying angel (1308) writes:
"He only stared, clutching A string attached to a mobile raincloud" i can only echo what everyone else has said. the title is great. the imagery is great. this poem is just great. wonderful job. and welcome to DP


On Thursday February 22nd, 2007, Nuri (188) writes:
i appreciate and am humbled by all your comments. i didn't expect to get such encouraging response so thank you ever so much! i'm a fan of most of you so it means a lot to me.


On Thursday February 22nd, 2007, Anna Helianthus (1117) writes:
wow, this is impressive. "The young tree clutched at the silhouette dress of a fat moon" perfect imagery, perfect poem. welcome to dp.


On Thursday February 22nd, 2007, The Zebra Warrior (2392) writes:
this was absolutely fantastic....without doubt. You're a talent in the making...how old are you? Maybe you're older than I realise, but this is a poem of some incredible impression....I am impressed :p...you can have a Kit-Kat...hehehe


On Thursday February 22nd, 2007, The Zebra Warrior (2392) writes:
I think people will want you to stay, a small majority will find your work seriously engaging.....please stay, hahaha....send in at least your postcard matey!! :D


On Wednesday February 21st, 2007, verablue (156) writes:
oooh....new talent! please do stay. this is such a fantasic entrance. "He just watched, that far seeing boy, As I stand below blue emptiness" beautiful!


On Wednesday February 14th, 2007, envolopefuck (300) writes:
Great job! Well written. Weclome to dp :) ~Ezimo


On Wednesday February 14th, 2007, Collective Amnesia (233) writes:
good job, welcome to dp ~Tamara


On Tuesday February 13th, 2007, Drea (919) writes:
very well done.. welcome to DP


On Tuesday February 13th, 2007, Mylissa (1053) writes:
Very well done.


On Monday February 12th, 2007, Nuri (188) writes:
Thank you for your kind comments. I've been a mere reader for years now and am honoured to finally be part of the Darkpoetry community!


On Monday February 12th, 2007, Freebird (624) writes:
This was amazing. Well done & welcome to DP. -Marlena


On Monday February 12th, 2007, Lynaes (1108) writes:
Wow.. this was such a unique display of artistry. I particularly loved "I wish upon a bolt of lightning So as might it would strike him And recharge his cold heart"..


On Monday February 12th, 2007, Lynaes (1108) writes:
Such refreshing, powerful and inspiring words. I'm in awe of this.


On Monday February 12th, 2007, raskal (218) writes:
Interesting title and excellent use of imagery -I enjoyed this.



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Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/15024/94143 on Friday January 09th, 2009 03:35 PM

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